Episode 254: Dunkey

Outline
04:20 - I'm in a moral quandary. I broke up with my ex six months ago, and now I'm stuck with albatross in my underwear drawer. While we were together, he surprised me on my birthday by telling me to close my eyes, and placing an unidentified phallic object into my hands. Upon opening my eyes, I discovered that this object was a DIY vibrating dildo cast from his own erect penis. Understandably, now that we've broken up and I'm in a new relationship, I would like to return it. Brothers, is there any way on Earth to tactfully return my ex-boyfriend's manhood? -- Shunning The Schlong In Sidney

09:32 - Y - Sent in by Jacob Wells and Evan Jones Thorn, from Yahoo! Answers user shershah, who asks: Someone threw a dildo to my window?

Okay, so i never experienced something paranormal. But i remember something unusual happend, around 2 years ago. So it was like 1 hour after midnight and i was planning to go to sleep, but first i went to the bathroom when suddently i was standing behind a window and i noticed something long and white clashed to my window, it almost looked if it felt from the clouds to my window. Then i went outside to check what was going on, but there was nothing goin on (and keep in mind my garden is closed with walls so nobody could get there) never wanned to talk about this because its realy wird, it happend 2 years ago but what do you think it was?

15:49 - My friend works at a bagel shop, and at the end of the day the employees are allowed to take home any of the leftover bagels that didn't sell. My question is, should I continue accepting his kind, carb-loaded gifts, or is eating stale bagels going to lead to an early death? More importantly, can I leave the bagels in my fridge and eat them two days after? Three? Four? -- Bone For Bagels In Baltimore

20:28 - Y - Sent in by Zoe Kinsky, from Yahoo! Answers user John Blix, who asks: I'm a big time lawyer in the city, and yet I'm addicted to donkey basketball. All I think about. Is this okay?

It started as a corporate fundraiser. We had a gym reserved and a company provided us with the donkeys. It seemed innocent enough, until game time when everything seemed to slow down and I became entranced with the game. Every aspect of it seemed logical and right. When the final buzzer sounded, I had thrown up the game winning shot. My teamates rode over to congradulate me, and I had never received such ephoria. That night I could not sleep. I think about it during meetings and it is starting to interfere with my homelife, and I'm even a republican! I am thinking about getting proffessional help, because I see no solution. I do not want to stop thinking about it, but I also do not want it to further hinder my life. Across the city they have another charity function, and I am thinking about going even though I am not invited.

29:40 - MZ - Sponsored by Slipshine. Personal message from Electricity & Magnetism, Really. Personal message from Past Scott. Advertisement for Pop Rocket.

37:44 - My wife is a therapist with a masters degree, and I have a useless degree in illustration. Work is not so plentiful in Indiana, so I'm working as an educational assistant, and doing a minimum wage summer job. I'm on the track to getting a better degree right now, but in the meantime I can't help but feel a little less than equal with her. She's amazingly supportive; the problem isn't with her. I know traditional gender roles are bullshit, but I can't seem to feel okay making soooo much less, especially when we've got student loans out the ass. How do I stop worrying about this? -- Tragically Traditional Teacher (Pending Licensure)

42:47 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo! Answers user Pandapants, who asks: "How can I have sex with Drew Davenport?"

45:45 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo! Answers user Abc, who asks: "If you could make a new custom flag for America, what would the flag look like? Can you describe it or draw a picture of it?"

50:39 - Housekeeping
 * Recommended Maximum Fun Network podcast: The Flop House

55:07 - FY - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo! Answers user Vincent, who asks: "Did Shia LaBeouf get his scream from John Turturro?"

Deep Cuts

 * When describing the circumstances in which a newspaper delivery boy would accidentally throw a dildo instead of a newspaper, the brothers make a series of references to the Nintendo Entertainment System game, Paperboy.