Episode 204: Bait Kids

Outline
04:18 - I work on a history historic ship (no ghosts, sorry). I also live in one of the state rooms that used to be officer's quarters. The deal is that I live here for free as long as I agree to be the after-hours security guard. The problem is I have a hard time kicking people off who snuck on late at night. I'm not a naturally intimidating person, I'm a young, early-twenties woman, usually very cheerful, somewhat plum, and I like nearly everyone I meet. What are some things I can do to scare trespassers so they'll get lost without putting up a fight? -- Scarcely Scary Sailor

10:14 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo Answers user KTI, who asks: "Does Jail make you a Man? If it does, I'm thinking of stealing something or hurting someone so that I can go there. I want to get bulked up and have a strong personality. So does it? Or not?"

18:28 - I'm 26, and I've recently started going to college again after a dismal attempt at online education. I met this lovely young lady in my public speaking course that I really dug, and we have some great common footing. We're about the same age with similar interests. We both work full time and we go to school full time. We started getting a little flirtatious during class, but then I found out her last name. Turns out she is the niece of my stepfather's stepfather. Now, I'm no genealogist, but I think by marriage that makes us double step-cousins once removed. Hachi machi, now I know it, she knows it, and the American people know it. Pump them brakes, or keep on truckin'? -- Maybe A Mishap In Grand Rapids

21:35 - My girlfriend and I just moved in together. Neither of us have lived with a significant other for a long-term period, and we need advice about finances. What's the best way to keep track of how much we're both spending and divide it up evenly. Some other details: I work full time and make a reasonable (but not excessive) amount of money, and my girlfriend is preparing to go to med school next year, so there's an income difference between us. -- Long Term In  [unintelligible] 

28:55 - MZ - Sponsored by Warby Parker. Sponsored by Nature Box. Personal message from Sarah. Personal message from Jess and Steve. Advertisement for Oh No Ross And Carrie.

38:24 - Introduction of John Roderick

41:03 - I'm a musician. I make this noise-music. It fits well in the cliché of atonal ambient noise, although it's got a drive to it that's accessible, and I like to think I transcend the norm, but I'm just not getting heard. I know that music is all about the art of persistence, so do you have any tips on how I can sell myself, how to solicit venues for gigs, how to get paid. Should I spam my poor twitter following? More hash tags? -- Amy Vibes In Vermont

51:20 - Me and a close-knit group of friends formed a rock band, but the problem is our drummer friend is super flakey and rarely shows up to practice. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but we'll never get out of the garage with him as our drummer. How do I politely give him the ol' boot? -- Dropping The Drummer In Utah

59:40 - Dear brothers and John Roderick, my girlfriend refuses to eat chicken unless it's been deboned. No wings, legs, thighs - nothing, unless the bones are out of sight and out of mind. She tells me because the bones are gross and morbid. I tell her she is being hypocritical and she should consider vegetarianism if she can't face facts. Is my girlfriend being hypocritical, and how do I stop picking these dumb fights? -- Thanks I Ate The Bones In Texas

63:03 - John Roderick leaves

70:13 - Y - Sent in by Drew, from a deleted Yahoo Answers user, who asks: "Do you ever get scared your parents might find out about Sims 4? It has woohooing and stuff in the game, but I don't do that stuff except woohooing to make kids. I get scared my parents might find out and I may not be able to play it anymore. That's why I limit my woohooing, kissing, hugging, and touching. I tell my parents my sim is single and she is not ready to mingle. When they ask who's the guy in the house, I ask them what guy they are talking about until they leave me alone. I only woohoo to make kids."

75:23 - Housekeeping

77:08 - FY - Sent in by Zach Baum, from Yahoo Answers user Erika, who asks: "What is a Marijuana Nugget?"