Episode 438: Face 2 Face: The Ham Up There

Outline
00:45 - Intro - Griffin gets the most applause. Denver has powerful scary horses.

04:45 - Y - Sent in by Adrian Cowles, from Yahoo Answers user Billy, who asks: "Does NASA drug test? I'm thinking of being an astronaut?"09:51 - I hosted a murder mystery party at my home for a dozen friends. Everyone had a great time solving a spooky vampire murder, but the real crime wasn't discovered until the following morning. Evidently, one of my guests found their way into my basement and relieved themselves directly into my sewing box, filling it with an impressive amount of urine. There were no witnesses and no one will admit to being the perpetrator. Brothers, this mystery has haunted me for months. How can I uncover the criminal behind this heinous act and what do I do with this information once I have? - Poor Man's Poirot

15:14 - Y - Sent in by a few people, from Yahoo Answers user Emily, who asks: "What non-toxic additions can you put into handmade soap to jazz it up? I'm learning to make soap so that I have a nice, handmade gift to give to coworkers, friends, etc. I was wondering if there are any non-toxic additions I can add into it? I've tried apricot seeds for example, and may try glitter. Thanks for your help! Update: Edit: Definitely won't use glitter! Thanks everyone! Good think I never made any glitter soaps, haha!"

19:30 - I've worked at a large university, and when I was hired, I RSVPed to compete in a salsa contest, but I became so busy that suddenly the day of the contest was at hand and I hadn't made any salsa. Rather than back out, I decided to run to my local Chili's and asked them to fill a jar of salsa for me so that I could enter. I ended up winning the contest. It's now been eight years and people still ask me for the recipe. I've brushed off so many people that it's now built my salsa up as some sort of mystical super salsa that no one has tasted since then because I'm afraid they'll definitely know it's Chili's if I bring it into the office. Brothers, what do I do? I can't keep living this lie. - Bluffing in Boulder, CO

22:15 - Vanessa, the asker of the last question, comes to the microphone to own up: Justin absolves Vanessa for at least putting her own tomatoes in.
 * She went to Chili's rather than the grocery store because she thought Chili's would give her a better chance to win.
 * She watered the salsa down with other tomatoes to try to hide the Chili's-ness.
 * She brought her own jar to Chili's and called it Vanessa's Awesome Sauce.
 * She won $50 and spent $10 on salsa.

26:13 - Y - Sent in by Rob Luppie, from Yahoo Answers user Another Part of Me, who asks: "BOYZONE SCENARIO???? Ok, its your birthday W00TW00T lmao. Your parents take you out to a lush restaurant and you need to use the toilet, but leading towards the back door, there's a trail of ink. You follow it and BAM! Boyzone are standing outside. What Would You Do? xD Pets > Birds O__o Update: WTF at Dyana. O__o"

32:50 - Last year my partner and I bought a house with a large Mickey Mouse sculpture mailbox. I don't like it very much but I don't know how to get rid of/destroy it. I also kind of feel bad removing it as the previous owner sculpted it themselves. Any suggestions on how to deal with this massive mouse? Picture attached for scale. - Too Much Mouse in Broomfield

39:23 - Y - Sent in by Nathan Smith, from Yahoo Answers user Dicky, who asks: "Is a vegan allowed to eat extremely wafer-thin ham?"

43:42 - MZ - Sponsored by StitchFix. Advertisement for Heat Rocks.

48:20 - Munch Squad - Sonic's Fritos Chili Cheese Faves

Audience Questions
56:54 - I sometimes take four to five slices of bread and just mash them up into a ball and just eat it like it's a big apple. How do I not do that? - Nick

1:00:07 - It's 2018. My mom works for the news and she's a new media developer. She works for internet news. She's big and important, but in her work she's like, new content whatever, and in her home life she in the year 2018 still uses AOL as a web browser. I thought they had cut that out. Web pages take a full minute to load on this browser. I've tried to be like, hey Mom, here's Google Chrome or any other browser. So my question is, how do I get my mom, who is a professional internet journalist, to stop using AOL as a web browser in the year 2018? - Hannah

1:04:20 - I was in a real big hurry right out of work and I needed to get to the mechanic who had my car quick, and the city had just got these electric scooters. I thought this would be a real cool way to start my evening. I ate it. I crashed the scooter. The scooter was fine. I had gotten probably eleven feet. There is no way that someone at my work did not see it. I was in a hurry so I went as quickly as I could, the scooter stopped, and I did not. I hit in an attempted sexy slide. I lost my pants. It took all my pants. I can't see a way that someone didn't see it. How do I sort through my coworkers and find out who saw? There was pipis. - Eric

1:11:22 - Today we were at the Denver zoo, which was super awesome. Lots of great animals. We were in the tropical exhibit with all the snakes, and when we came outside there were all the strollers that parked there, because you can't have the strollers inside. We walk out and the stroller nearest the door, I see there is a squirrel tail protruding from the bag of this stroller. Moments later, the squirrel leaps out and it has in its mouth a ziploc baggie with what I think was a half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The squirrel was having a great time. My first instinct was, should I help the squirrel open the bag. The second thought was, should we wait and tell the people that own the stroller? And I guess this is the question. Is there an etiquette to if you see a squirrel in somebody's baby bag? Are you obligated to leave a note or tell them? - Colin

1:16:19 - Housekeeping

1:18:19 - FY - Sent in by Morgan Davy, from Yahoo Answers user Priebus, who asks: "Can I vape and still be a Republican?"