Episode 453: The Grotto of Gains

Outline
00:45 – Griffin's doing a sketch. Griffin is afraid of the PGA Tour in his town.

5:30 – I work in wildlife rehabilitation. One weekend at this job, I was cleaning one of the owls' enclosures, and when I turned to leave she attacked the back of my head. She didn't draw blood, but I definitely felt her talons graze my scalp. It was startling as fuck, and since then, the owl and I have had a strained relationship. I feel like she hates me. How do I learn to trust this animal again? – Living in Fear in Louisiana

9:52 – Y – Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo Answers user Nono, who asks: Why don't scientists make military armor from bug shells?

Bugs have hard shells that scientists can backwards engineer manufacture in their laboratories. If you take a bug and you make the bug as large as a human or even bigger no gun would penetrate the shell. Also shells from bugs can be regenerated imagine having armor that can regenerate itself.

15:00 – I was at my coworker's birthday. We're not super close, but it's civil. I gave her a birthday card I keep in my glovebox for emergencies. It had "love you lots!" on the front in gold letters. I didn't think it was weird, I just thought the design was pretty. When she read the front, she said, "Whoa, I didn't know you felt that way! Really stepping up this relationship!" How do I live in this atmosphere I've created? – Platonic Proposal in Chicago

26:19 – Y – Sent in by a few folks, from Yahoo Answers user Fritz, who asks: How did King Triton get so buff?

He lived underwater where there's no resistance, how did he get so buff?

32:56 – MZ – Sponsored by (Justin plays Seinfeld sounds) Casper, Stamps.com. Advertisement for.

38:02 – Fake Munch Squad to shut up Griffin that turns into a real Munch Squad - Dunkin's Peeps Coffee and Peeps Donut and Carl's Jr.'s Truffle Burger and Truffle Fries

45:17 – I recently started working in an office setting. I only work there three days a week and I am a graduate student, so I'm not close with the full time staff. There's a small basket of candy that sits near the secretary, and I pass it every day on my way in. I grab a few pieces throughout the day. My question is, how many pieces is too many? I feel bad taking too many, as I'm not full time staff, and also as a graduate student it's hard to pass up free candy. Do I cut back on the candy? Do I just sneakily take more at one time? Do I create a diversion to draw the secretary's attention so they know it's not me depleting the resources? – Morgan

48:56 – Dear brothers: I recently started working in a pasta factory on the ravioli line. This job would be perfect for me except for one thing: I can't stop thinking of eating the uncooked raviolis as they move past me. The worst is when I have to stand there on the line and make sure no defective one gets past. I have come so close to stuffing my pockets and getting the hell out of that sinner's paradise. I can't sneak a bite or I'll shortly be caught. Please tell me how to sedate the ravioli monster inside of me or how to sneakily get my fill. – Randy for Ravioli

58:26 – Housekeeping

1:01:42 – FY – Sent in by a couple folks, from Yahoo Answers user Jomp, who asks: "Why does frying tomatoes turn them green?"