Episode 356: Face 2 Face: My Donut-Loving Boys

Outline
04:06 - When my girlfriend wears a backpack, she leaves it completely unzipped. We live in a city, and I think someone will eventually just reach in and take whatever's in there. When I've addressed this with her, she's responded with, "It's easier to get things out when it's unzipped," or "Don't tell me how to live my best life." How can I convince her to zip up her backpack, or am I in the wrong? -- Debated in D.C.

07:57 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from an anonymous Yahoo Answers user, who asks: "How do you stop obsessing and overcome wanting a pie smashed in your face?"

12:49 - I work in a middle school and use a room that is shared by several other employees. Sometimes I have to leave my materials in there but usually it's safe. However, my favorite pen, which has a quote on it from the hit Broadway musical Hamilton, went missing. I assumed a student had taken it or thrown it away, but later that week I saw my boss using my Hamilton pen! How can I get it back without seeming like a dick? -- Missing Musical Merchandise

15:52 - Y - Sent in by Zoe Kinsky, from Yahoo Answers user mary lynn, who asks:  "Should I add my dad on Xbox? For awhile my dad has been asking me to add him on xbox. I want to, but my username is keeping me from adding him. It kissmyammo and personally I think it too close to kissmya**. Also I like to putting a link to my youtube page in my bio for my friends to see, but I don't want my dad to view any of my videos, because I cuss in a few of them. All in All should I add him?"

20:23 - Munch Squad - McDonald's artisanal sandwiches

26:57 - Y - Sent in by Zoe Kinsky, from an unknown Yahoo Answers user, who asks: "I need help looking cool while waiting at the bus stop...? I've noticed that no matter how I stand, or what I do, there's no real way to 'look cool' at a bus stop, and not come across as some loser with no car... How can I best convey a sense of coolness while waiting for the bus?"

32:02 - MZ - Sponsored by Nature Box. Sponsored by Indochino. Advertisement for One Bad Mother.

36:46 - I am currently recovering from a wrist injury and have to wear a brace. I often get asked what happened, and almost as often that question is followed up with them saying a variation of "too much jerking off?" People think it's funny, but it's getting old. What are some witty responses to this annoyingly consistent joke? -- No I Didn't Break My Wrist From Masturbation

40:22 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo Answers user va2906, who asks: "What would it be like if humans were in a constant state of orgasm? Would it even be possible to drive a car?"

43:22 - I live by a locally-run donut shop. One morning, I went to get donuts for my boyfriend and my roommate, who I lovingly refer to as "my boys". When I placed my order at the drive-thru window, I told the owner/cashier I was getting donuts for "my boys." When she asked me how old my boys were, I panicked and told her they were five and seven years old. We then proceeded to have a detailed discussion about my assumed children, to whom I appointed names and local elementary schools. To make things worse, I drive a two-seater smart car. She asked me who I manage to fit my kids in there, to which I answered, "Oh, I have another car which I use just for them." Even worse, she gave me a bag of free donut holes "for your little boys." Brothers, how do I fix this situation and my guilt about eating those donut holes of shame? -- Do Not Ask Me About My Kids In Austin, Texas

Audience Questions
46:55 - So my question is, I work remotely and we have lots of conference calls with people that I don't interface with, and some of them are older and don't use normal terminology, and one of the women on my team refers to people who are not very intelligent as "hoohas". I feel obligated to say something... -- Alexa

49:15 - My wife and I are here celebrating our five year anniversary. We got married five years ago, but we met in high school. We've been together eleven and a half years, and so I feel like I have to justify when (I'm a younger person) people are like "that's so sweet you've been together five years," It's like, "well, actually, we've been together eleven years, because we met..." It's a big thing. How can I shorten that? -- Andrew

51:50 - My husband's family is from Arizona, and we've been together five years now, and his mom refers to a lot of things as not correctly. So, she calls kolaches "coll-aj-skies" and San Jacinto as "San Ja-kin-to". I really, really want to correct her, but he says just let it go, and I don't know if I should just let it go because she's my mother in law. -- Sarah

54:17 - I work at a summer camp (actually, I leave on Thursday for three months) and last summer I had to go by my last name (it's kind of a weird last name) and a bunch of the younger kids (the youngest kids we get are like six or seven or whatever and they stay there for three nights) all gave me a really embarrassing nickname because some of... I had another girl on staff who had the same first name as me so she got first name dibs for some reason, so all the little kids started calling me "Rhino Mom". I want to be cool, this other girl isn't on staff this summer - how do I rename myself? I want to re-brand myself. -- Max

57:22 - I just want to know what that donut place was? -- Walker

59:57 - FY - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from YaDrew Answers user The Nikki Bella, who asks: "Did the owners of Prego spaghetti sauce think of Pregnant women when they came up with the name since Preggo is short for Pregnant?"