Episode 493: Face 2 Face: U Up?

Outline
00:45 - Intro - This show is in Washington D.C., the night after a live episode of The Adventure Zone, which led to Travis hurting his arms (from throwing slap bracelets too hard into the crowd) and subsequently hurting his brothers' ears (by complaining about it).

03:55 - Riddle Me Piss "If I say that I will give you $100,000 tomorrow, when will you get it? Never! Tomorrow NEVER EVER comes! It's always TODAY!!!"

6:05 - My dad is a hairy, hairy man. So hairy, it doesn't matter how high the neck on his shirt is, the hair on his chest always manages to poke out of the top of his shirt. He has a tiny little dog, very cute, and he frequently sends pictures of her, but the problem is: he sends selfies of him and the dog from a low angle, revealing how shirtless and hairy he is, with a very serious dad face. How do I tell my dad to stop sending me shirtless pics, so I can show my friends his cute dog but not my hairy dad with no shirt? - Desperate Daughter

10:01 - Y - Sent in by Seth Carlson, from Yahoo! Answers user Soups, who asks: "Could a gorilla become a vampire? Are vampires only human or can they be any mammals?"

13:25 - I was wondering if you have any advice on how to ask my friends if I can massage them in a non-creepy way. For the last year or so, I have been watching massage tutorial videos on YouTube to relax before bed, and I feel like I have gained a lot of knowledge on the subject and want to practice the skills. I don't want anyone to think I'm a creep or a weirdo, I just think it would be a fun skill to have. What do I do? How can I offer this to my friends? - Amateur Massage Therapist in Silver Spring

18:30 - Y - Sent in by Emma Kantt, from an anonymous Yahoo! Answer user that Griffin calls Jeremiah, who asks: "Am I allowed to buy all the Super Bowl tickets to have the stadium to myself?"

22:34 - As a child, I stole a toy from a restaurant in Philadelphia. My mom found out and made me put it back and apologize to the owner. And while I was in there, I stole a different toy. She still doesn't know, this was 10 years ago, it still haunts me. Please help. - Liam

28:52 - Y - Sent in by Max, from an anonymous Yahoo Answers user that Griffin calls Plaerrrrbrrrick'k'shpp'ch, who asks: "Poll:Would you want a hallway full of vending machines? So when guests come over, you can make yourself a nice little profit."

35:14 - I'm 24 and I want to get into eating cheese so that I don't feel like a social pariah at fancy dinner parties. I'm not lactose intolerant, I just don't like how it tastes. I do love pizza though, because pizza's the perfect food, second only to sandwiches. I assume that, at least for me, it will be an acquired taste. What would be a good type of cheese to start with? - Cheeseless in The District

40:45 - Munch Squad - Taco Bell's Toasted Cheddar Chalupa

49:20 - MZ - Sponsored by Stamps.com. Announcement from Jesse Thorn and Stacey Molski regarding MaxFun donations to the National CASA/GAL Association for Children.

54:47 - I keep accidentally tricking people into thinking I know shit about astrology by saying "yikes" to their sign. - Jesse

Audience Questions
55:43 - What should I do with all these teeth? I was sitting in my sister's car the other day, and she had this purple chest in her cupholder. I looked inside it and it had 3 human teeth in it, so I turn to my sister, who's driving the car, and I say, "Why do you have a bunch of teeth?" She said they belong to her children, she doesn't want to tell her children that the Tooth Fairy gave them back to her. She said she doesn't feel right, throwing part of her kids' body out. We were listening to a MBMBaM bit on YouTube, and then I said that I was coming to see you live, and that you take advice questions from the audience, and she said I should ask you what to do with the teeth. - Autumn

1:01:05 - My grandmother keeps asking me about this new Digital Art class that I'm taking in school, but what we do in Digital Art is, our teacher lets us do whatever we want in Photoshop. He gives us general guidelines, but for example, you had to combine a bunch of images in a landscape, and I made a giant crab with laser eyes attacking Ocean City. But I'm not sure how I tell my grandmother this is a thing I submitted in class and get graded on. - Tara

1:05:25 - I was at my office, I worked at a music school, lovely place with a lot of classical music everywhere, very professional setting. And one day, my boss came in and she said, "Are you guys familiar with Beyblades at all?" I said, "Would you like to see some?" I thought maybe a raise was involved, but I had some Beyblades and an arena in my trunk. I brought them into the office and I left them there for a while, and then one day I came back and I realized that the arena was still there, but the Beyblades were not. I'm just desperate to try and figure out how to crack the case of my very professional office. - Kyle

1:10:25 - I'm here with my brother, who came to see the show just because I asked him to, which is very sweet. We were hanging out before the show and we decided to start watching John Wick, which I've never seen. We're not so great at timing things, so we only got to about the halfway point of John Wick, and I was hoping that y'all could help me feel like I've accomplished both things tonight, going to a show and watching John Wick, if you could explain the rest of the plot of John Wick to me. - Kate

1:14:30 - Housekeeping

1:18:04 - FY - Sent in by Seth Carlson, from an anonymous Yahoo Answers user that Griffin calls Pah'kzchzch'hwaocchh'bshzczc, who asks: "How the **** did Atlantis get lost? It's a ******* CONTINENT, not a DIME?"