Episode 55: Spaghettageddon/Transcript

Question #1 (3:05)
"I am getting married this summer, and one of my groomsmen is getting married a few months after me. He is having a very small destination wedding, and has decided to specifically not give his friends plus ones, even if they are married. My soon-to-be wife is understandably upset about this; some people she talked to think that I should decline to go to the wedding because she wasn't invited. Ideally I would like my fiancée to be invited, but I also understand my friend's choice to not invite any plus ones, given how small the wedding will be. How can I support my good friend and my fiancée at the same time?" -- Tristan (Not the Marine)

Question #2 (6:58)
"On Mother's Day, I took my mom to a nice cafe in NYC for lunch. After we finished eating, she needed to use the restroom; however, there was a woman ahead of her on the line, and both of them had to wait for a long time for the occupant to finish, even though the men's room remained unoccupied. I told her she should just have used the men's room, it was as clean as the women's, the only difference between the two bathrooms was the sign on the door. They were both single toilet rooms, so there was no danger of running into someone of the opposite sex in the bathroom. It's also fairly common for women to use the men's room at an overcrowded bar.  [Griffin interjects "Is it?"]  What is someone supposed to do in a situation like this? Is the inverse true for men using the women's restroom?" -- Jordan

Question #3 (11:07) Y
Should I tryout for 'my sweet 16' or '16 and pregnant'?

I really want my 15 minute fame so I am going to try and get on MTV. I was thinking maybe my parents could throw a big party for me and I could appear on 'my sweet 16' Although if I signed up for '16 and pregnant' I could also go on teen mom after wards, this would get me more chance in the public eye.

Question #4 (13:21)
A couple of weeks ago one of my friends invited me to his bachelor party in Vegas; however, about a week before we were supposed to leave he calls me and says that a couple of guys couldn't make it, so they were going to reschedule it some time during the summer. On the day we were supposed to go to Vegas I got a text from him that was meant for his fiance, saying that they had got to the rooms in Vegas, they were heading out to the casinos. Should I confront him about this? Do I even go to the wedding after I got royally dicked over? Thanks brothers. -- Sulking In San Diego.

Question #5 (16:14) Y
Why is this woman farting on my wife at the gym?

Every time my wife and I go to the gym, a lady, probably in her mid 40s, decides to go near her and fart. The first few times my wife would give me a funny look and we would later laugh about it.  [Griffin: We'll get back to that!]  But by the 7th or 8th time, my wife has become considerably annoyed. She even said to the woman "Excuse you" and the woman completely ignored her, farted again, and walked away. Should we complain to the gym's management? Or could this lady have a problem? It's strange that she ONLY farts on my wife and no one else at the gym.

Money Zone (20:03)
He's Gowdy, but she's not doubt-dy She's a French scientist... editor He's a cop on the beat She joins him... on the street Unconventional partners! Workin' the beat!

It's Gowdy and not doubt-dy, Cherilyn Hey there's a crime Can you make it rhyme with tree? Oui! That's the only French word I know

Gowdy and not doubt-dy, Cherilin Cancelled after three episodes Rabid fan-base Conventions Yeah they got them

Gowdy and not doubt-dy, Cherilin Hey Eloise, hey other kid (sorry I scrolled away from your name) Happy birthday! Happy 14th and 16th birthday! Asynchronous twins French science, British crime!

Gowdy and not down-ny! Yeah she's never pouty Guv'er'nuh? Lovin' 'er? I should say so Gowdy, and not doubt-ti, Cherilyn

Question #6 (26:18)
I'm a lesbian and I recently cut my hair, but now I'm having second thoughts. Before, it was all the way down to my waist, and now it's a men's style cut, although still long enough to show my lovely curls. I think it looks cute. It's very low maintenance, and it seems to be net positive with the ladies, but I've noticed the strangers are ruder to me. Should I stick it out and get used to getting perceived differently by people, or grow my hair long and lovely again so as to fly under the gay-dar and avoid the occasionally embarrassing mistake about my gender. -- Fan From The Post-Lesbian Apocalypse

Question #7 (30:00) Y
"Is marrying a robot (with sexual capabilities) or an animal more socially unacceptable?

The robot is designed so that you can "screw" it.

Is marrying a robot (with sexual capabilities) or an animal more socially acceptable?"

Question #8 (35:26)
"I'm interested in dating my brother's girlfriend's sister. Is it acceptable for brothers to date sisters? If one pair get married, do the other pair have to immediately break up?" -- Tag Team In Texas

Question #9 (37:51)
"I recently started to text and talk with an old college friend. It's been five years and we live a few states apart, but things seem to be progressing toward the romantic. My problem is that I've gained a significant amount of weight since college, like a hundo, putting me at 6'2", 300 lbs.  [Griffin: Six- to three-hundred lbs!?]  Do I mention this to her, or just show up with some extra for her to love." -- Rotund Romancer

Question #10 (41:02) Y
"How can I convince my girlfriend to dress up like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka?

I am in love with two ladies; My sweet little BlooBerry (aka my g-friend) and Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka. I think it's so sexy the when Violet inflates into a sphere and would love to see ma'lady do the same. How can I connivence her this would be both fun and sexy LOL. She doesn't realize it yet, but her nickname comes from my Number 1 screen crush. I bought the costume last week and am fighting up the courage to ask her. PLEASE ANY SUGESTIONS!!!!

PS Not like in the new crappy Johny Depp Charlie and the Chocalte Factory. That CGI looked horrible! ONLY MEL STUART'S VERISON!!!!"

Question #11 (49:21) FY
"I'm bored. What do you do for fun?

It is raining out also. And I am an old man."