Episode 482: Face 2 Face: Big Stitch Energy

Outline
00:00 - Lin-Manuel Miranda performs "We Didn't Start the Brothers", a parody of "We Didn't Start the Fire" referencing a TON of MBMBaM in-jokes and featuring a quick cameo from the one and only Matt Doyle.

04:12 - Intro - Justin decides the boys have peaked. They decide to cut the bullshit and get on with it.

06:55 - Y - Sent in by Paul Sabourin, from an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user whom Griffin calls "Matt Doyle," who asks:"What do mummies want? Every undead being wants something from the living; vampires want to suck your blood, zombies want to eat your brain (or other parts of you), ghosts want to scare the crap out of you. But what do mummies want, exactly? Clearly they're after something, but what is all that shambling, moaning, and arm-raising all about? What will they do to you once you're in their clutches?"

13:09 - Since I was young, my mother has had a violent hunger for other people's fruits and vegetables. She has a tendency to sneak into neighbors' properties to steal from their gardens, lean over into strangers' gardens and take fruit off their plants, and sneak into people's properties to harvest wild plants. We have our own garden and fruit trees. She doesn't need to steal. Unfortunately, the last few years, she's decided that because I tell her not to do this, I'm a narc and a square, and just makes fun of me for not wanting her to do these veggie crimes. How can I get my mom to respect me? This fruiting is tearing our family apart. - J, Child of Crime

18:11 - Y - Sent in by Amelia Burger, from Yahoo Answers user Matt Doyle, who asks: "How can I talk my Mom into letting us keep our ghost? We have a ghost in our house, Mom says she is going to get a Minister to come around and pray so that it goes into the light, but I want to keep it because the kids at school all think it is so awesome that I live in a real haunted house! How can I talk her into letting him stay? Update: I can't ask my dad to help, he won't even speak to my mother."

22:16 - I was sitting on the subway the other day, and a guy standing in front of me whose dick was at eye level with me had a spider crawling on him. What should I have done? Would that alert him to the fact that I was accidentally looking at his dick? Am I a creep for spotting the spider or do I just let this unsuspecting person go about their day with a spider on them? - Accidental Subway Creep

28:38 - Munch Squad - Fatburger's Cranberry Turkey Burger Shake and Taco Bell's Steal a Base, Steal a Taco

34:23 - Y - Sent in by Samantha, from Yahoo Answers user Lizzy, who asks:"When it's cold or raining, why don't people wear jackets or coats for their legs?"

37:44 - My wife and I recently downsized our closet and I got rid of a bunch of old T-shirts that didn't fit me any more. This included a shirt that I had bought in an Earthbound roughly five or six years ago and I donated it to a local thrift store. Today at lunch, I saw a guy roughly my same build wearing the same shirt. I asked him where he got it, and he indeed got it from the thrift store. However, when I told him that it was originally my shirt, thinking this was funny, he gave me a very offended look and left without saying anything else. I thought this was a fun coincidence. Was I in the wrong here? Did I tread on some social norm I was unaware of? - T-Shirt Twin in Texas

41:18 - A new bit: Minion Quotes. Justin is part of a Facebook group called Minion Quotes with a bunch of platitude-and-cartoon-character memes. The bit goes like this: Justin reads a platitude. Travis and Griffin must guess the cartoon character. If they successfully guess the character, Justin will post the picture to his Facebook with absolutely no comment.
 * "The nicest people always get treated like shit." Stitch
 * "Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition." The Tasmanian Devil
 * "Why is it that all the people you actually want to be around live nowhere near you?" Stitch
 * "Comment if you're left-handed. Like if you're right-handed." Stitch
 * "The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with." Pink Panther
 * "Would you slap your cousin for a million dollars?" Goofy
 * "I'm exhausted, I'm grouchy, I'm mentally and emotionally worn out. So when the next idiot pisses me off and I snap and beat them to a pulp, someone please come bail me out." Tom Cat

49:41 - MZ - Sponsored by Stitch Fix, Squarespace. Advertisement for The Beef and Dairy Network.

Audience Questions
53:03 - My dad, when he was in Vietnam, went to Australia afterwards and got three boomerangs. His friend said "I know how to throw them!" and threw two into the woods and they never came back. So my dad brought one back and he covets it. It's been in his closet my whole life, almost forty years. And I want this boomerang. I've wanted to play with it forever, and he wouldn't let me when I was a kid, and now I have kids and he still won't let me. - Jessica

58:30 - I work for a mattress review blog. I'm paid obscenely well. The people who write the reviews don't actually sleep on the mattresses, and I write the other content, such as "what's the difference between a latex foam mattress and a memory foam mattress?" I've been doing this for a couple months; my roommate did the same job for a year before me. He quit this spring and I got the job this summer, and the problem is I'm already out of ideas. - Brock

1:03:21 - How do I explain to my friends that my father enters the house through the window sometimes? He's the superintendent of a couple of buildings and he hates the people he works with, so sometimes he enters our apartment to avoid them. - Amour (they/them)

1:08:08 - I'm getting married in six weeks, but my partner and I have lived together for four years and we already have a bunch of stuff in our house. We decided to do a wedding registry anyway, so we went to Bed Bath and Beyond, got a scanner gun, and did our thing. The gifts have started to come in. We have received seven stepladders and a fruit peeler. - Sandra

1:13:14 - Housekeeping

1:15:18 - FY - Sent in by Graham Roebuck, from Yahoo Answers user Steve Guy, who asks:"Why doesn’t Batman just kill the jocker?"