Episode 307: Face 2 Face: Would You Rather DeVito?

Outline
06:58 - I'm a dude who loves to walk around my apartment in my underwear. I step in the door, and boom: my clothes are off. Now, my roommates don't mind this, but one of them is Airbnb-ing his room while he summers in Chicago. He has rented the room to a nice couple, and has asked that in his three-month absence I refrain from semi-nudity so that he doesn't get a bad review. I hate the idea of giving up on my freedom. It's not my problem... or is it? Am I the asshole here for wanting to continue a clothes-free lifestyle? -- Nudist In New York

09:50 - Y - Sent in by Rachel Rosing, from Yahoo Answers user Brian, who asks: Can a police officer pull over another?

So let's say there is two on duty police officers and one of them is speeding and he or she isn't going on any calls or chasing anyone, just generally speeding then another police officer stops them, can the other on duty officer give them a ticket because they were speeding? I asked a cop the other day about it and he just laughed and said no they can't, which doesn't make any sense when the officer isn't above the law when he's speeding and not en route to a call or chasing someone.

Sure if you were a cop and stopping other cops it wouldn't be the best way to make friends, but there's a law that needs to be followed and that's why you are there, to enforce it.

14:48 - A few weeks ago my girlfriend and I splurged on a fancy meal in an upscale restaurant. One of the courses was a sunchoke dish, garnished with dainty purple flowers. I ate some of the flowers, and I thought they were okay, but I didn't eat them all in case they were just decoration; however, when the server cleared our table, he asked, "Sir, would you like to finish your flowers before I take your plate?" So then, I felt obligated to eat the flowers as he watched. I suddenly felt inexplicable shame as I chewed. His gaze seemed to suggest, "Yes, little fancy boy loves eating little purple flowers, doesn't he?" I'm no stranger to public shame - I did magic in a talent show when I was six, and then later went on to play an Oompa Loompa in a community theater production of Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. My main question is this - was this dude fucking with me? Am I wrong to feel like he was shaming me for being a fancy flower boy? -- Blossom Binging In Brooklyn

20:24 - Y - Sent in by Rachel Rosing, from an anonymous Yahoo Answers user, who asks: Help me add to and improve a stand-up i'm writing (most of it's observational humour)?

Ideas so far: "Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh" "Phones are getting bigger while laptops are getting smaller" "If theres 'no talking during the movie', isn't it then a silent movie?" "When a guy likes a girl, he looks her in the eye. When a girl likes a guy, she looks away" "Why does 'chicken' mean 'wimp'? A chicken will peck you to pieces" "The word 'nun' is just the letter 'n' doing a cartwheel" "No word in the english language rhymes with 'month"

25:00 - At the grocery store line the clerk got to my last item: a large bag of cherries. They looked at the bag, then at me, and then said, "you know these are expensive, right?" Asking them to clarify might have sent the conversation to a super-judgy place, so in the future how should I handle egregious displays of physical judgment from cashiers or other service personnel? -- Swimming In Subtext

29:16 - Y - Sent in by Erin Kys, from Yahoo Answers user la lizzard, who asks: In home improvement... are the sons related to tim allen?...?

in the series home improvement... tim allen has 3 sons... brad, randy and mark... two of the kids look exactly like tim allen... im frustrated and i have to know... are they related in any way?... maybe not his actuals sons in real life... but maybe his nephews or something?... they just have to be related... can someone please help... its killing me... thank you...

32:43 - MZ - Sponsored by Square Space. Advertisement for Adam Ruins Everything.

41:11 - John Hodgman, on "Yellow"

Audience Questions
50:16 - So, I should be teaching a first aid course this weekend, but when I saw the opportunity to come see you guys live, my best friend stepped in and said he would teach the course for me. How do I pay someone back for a treat like this? -- Tim

52:42 - How to get a friend onboard with My Brother, My Brother and Me [paraphrased]. -- Allison

58:15 - I have had a childhood friend since we were in second grade. Unfortunately, it has kind of turned into a hate kind of thing, but I really love his mom (she's like a second mom to me), and she is trying to pay me to tutor his little brother. So, what I'm trying to figure out is how do I avoid that guy while getting paid? -- Dani

60:18 - I discovered Maximum Fun while I was pregnant with my second child, named Moxxi. John helped name my second child. I need you guys to help name my third child. It has to start with an M. -- Jessica

64:52 - I have to confess a sin. Last year, I made my friend listen to all of the haunted doll watch segments, and she got really into it and started selling dolls on Ebay. She hired me to write a couple of doll stories. One of them actually sold, and she paid me 25% which amounted to eight dollars consisting of a pair of socks.

66:52 - Housekeeping

68:13 - FY - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from an unknown Yahoo Answers user, who asks: "Is Wario really all that 'bad'? Asking for my children.?"

Quotes
”They horny for this one!” - Griffin McElroy (backstage before the show).