Episode 246: Face 2 Face: Hot Beans

Outline
07:10 - I'm a fun-loving young man, but since I'm one of the more responsible people in my circle of friends, I love to say the occasional lame pun and I'm often labeled as the dad of the group. How do I ditch the dad persona, and show my friends that I still know how to party? -- Not Lame In Lakeville

13:34 - Y - Sent in by Ashley Shannon, from Yahoo Answers user Ariana Rose, who asks: Is it possible to have a Disney Character with you all day on your birthday at Disneyland?

I'm going to disneyland for my birthday for free. And I just wanted to know if its possible to have a Disney Character with you all day. Like going on the rides with you, and having food with you all day.

17:30 - Every time my coworker says cool beans, a part of my soul dies. What should I do?

19:54 - Sad Libs

23:57 - MZ - Sponsored by Nature Box. Sponsored by Squarespace.

28:31 - Y - Sent in by Sarah Gorman, from Yahoo Answers user skiye, who asks: Can a ghost puke on you?

Weirdest thing happened to me, I woke up just now and realized that there was puke on me and next to me. Nobody in my house did it, it wasn't my mom, my sister, my stepdad, or any of the animals. It happened in the last 3 1/2 hours because it wasn't warm, it was my body temperature.This was extremely gross. Can anyone please help me?

31:56 - My husband, Jesse, has been growing his beard out for a year now. It's large, unruly, catches everything he eats along with the fact that he looks like Harry from the 1990s show Harry And The Hendersons. It's just nasty. [Justin skips a portion of the question] My question to you: what is the best way to auction off my husband's beard? -- Kim

37:11 - How do we get my wife's family to stop giving us shit we don't need or even have any use for? We live in a small apartment with a tiny (yet functional) kitchen, and they've given us things like electric kettles, dessert coupes, and a giant plug-in roaster we've literally never used. They also dump tons of crafty shit and clothes we don't need on us. They're not rich, they just like to express their love and affection through stuff. -- Too Much Shit From The Twin Cities

41:40 - From The Audience - One of my part time jobs is really super-related to pizza. As a consequence to that, at least two to three times a day I get people posting on my Facebook wall pizza-related things, like, "hey, look at this pizza-decorated car!" "Look at this three-tiered pizza wedding cake," and almost every time they're like, "It's right up your alley, this pizza thing!" I don't even really know why. There are people even that I haven't spoken to for fifteen years that just, by virtue of knowing me on Facebook, will post these pizza-related things. I don't expect really to be able to get it to stop, (that's not going to happen) but I'm out of responses. I'm at the point now where I'm like, "Yeah... like." -- Katie

46:40 - From The Audience - I have this thing where I never text my friends back in a timely manner, and it's gotten really bad to the point where one of my friends started an excel spreadsheet where they calculate how long it takes me to them [unintelligible]. It's not like I don't want to respond, it's usually questions like, "Can you hang out tonight?" "Can you hang out this weekend?" and a lot of it is like, "I don't know yet," because I have a job that's random and dynamic and I work weird hours, so I just don't text anything back. It's started to feel like I'm the asshole in this situation, which is true and valid, but it's more like, I don't know is there a thing I should say, is there a thing I should text, is there a thing I should do? -- Mark

50:57 - From The Audience - So I have a couple of roommates in the house that me and my fiancé live in, and one of them cooks quite a bit, and basically she cooks a lot, makes a lot of dishes. We're cool with that, we sometimes eat it, she'll let us eat anything. She leaves the stuff out on the countertop, usually overnight, and open in the fridge for days. What do we do? -- Lauren

55:16 - Housekeeping

57:30 - FY - Sent in by John Jarzimsky, David Jackson, & Zoe Kinsky, from Yahoo Answers user Franky, who asks: Can I get my dad arrested for not letting me drop out of school to become zayn maliks replacement in one direction?

OK so I want to drop out of school for ever. cuz I am tired of this teacher bullying me. Today he said I smelled like a wh0res handbag Wtf is he even talking about?? I was smelling like aftershave. A nice one!! so I drew up a plan to show my dad I am serious about this. It goes 1)leave school. 2)be zoo keeper. But then I herd about zayn so I'm willing to take that vacancy. I have got better at faking English accent and I would like lots of girlfriends. he didn't even look at my plan. He just got mad, saying for the last time I'm not leaving school. Said next time I mention it I will automatically get a slap. this is a democracy!! I'm tired of him saying no to EVERYTHING. Can I have a parrot? no. Can I go to manchester with my friend?no. can I have one more beer? no. can I have some money? no. so I started saying no to everything he says to me. And he had the audacity to get mad at me and yell you don't tell me no, I am the dad, I do this for you, I do that for you blah blah, I am a massive d--khead blah blah. Please arrest him and I will have fun. Fun!

Deep Cuts

 * When Charlie spills strawberry juice on Justin's pants, Griffin suggests that Justin read a Judy Blume book. This is in reference to Judy Blume's young adult novel "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret"