Episode 119: Drop the Beat, Francis

Outline
05:53 - Brothers, I desperately need your help. For the past eight years I have been heavily addicted to Diet Mountain Dew. I drink three liters a day. Obviously, this is not a good thing. I've tried to quit in the past using other types of caffeine intake as a replacement, but I keep coming back to that sweet, sweet dew. I can't drink coffee, and other similar drinks taste gross to me. Any suggestions before my bones melt? -- Overdoing The Dew

14:33 - Y - Sent in by Jakob Locker, from Yahoo! Answers user The Christ Puncher, who asks: "how can I make horse not bited the cow Three days ago horse named Derek bited the cow my dad have. Then the cow not tell nobody. Have big problems. Infection. The cow died. Bad horse maked the cow died when he are bited him. How make horse stop bited things?"

19:06 - Y - Found by Griffin McElroy, from Yahoo! Answers user The Christ Puncher, who asks: "should NFL teams have to reserve a roster spot for a horse I think it is the least the NFL can do to honor the horse and quite frankly America. After all, they sing that song before each game. Why not have a horse on each team. Does the NFL hate America or something?"

27:21 - I have a question for you guys I have been thinking about a lot lately. The fact is, I'm recently divorced 29-year-old woman. As I begin to prepare myself for the dating world by focusing on my wonderful traits, I can't help but dread the idea of telling future suitors that I've been married before. My friend told me to refer to him as my "first husband," but I'm not sure that's the right approach. How and when do I tell the men out there that I've already walked down the aisle? -- Hoping For A Re-"I Do"

34:37 - MZ - Personal message from Sarah Bags. Sponsored by JPHONIC. Sponsored by Extreme Restraints.

43:57 - Dear Brothers McElroy, help! A few months I started dating this girl. She's cute and funny, but I'm just not feeling it anymore, so I think it's time to end it. My birthday's coming up this weekend, and she had been executing this elaborate plot of telling me one thing she likes about me until my birthday, culminating in some surprise. I don't know if it's better to end it now, or wiser to wait. Help me out here. -- Confusion In Kansas

47:50 - Texts from Clint McElroy

53:12 - Housekeeping

56:45 - FY - Sent in by Nicole Thompson, from Yahoo! Answers user Bunny, who asks: "How can i break my wrist fast at home?"