Episode 391: Jeff Wolfworthy

Outline
00:45 - Intro - The brothers want to join the XFL, and try to name their team.

08:10 - Every year, a local theater has a 24-hour Groundhog Day marathon. If you stay through the entire 24 hours (12 screenings), you win movie passes for a year. I'm planning on going this year, and by God, I'm getting those movie passes. How do you suggest I pass the time, other than bringing my 3DS with Pokemon Ultra Moon and headphones to listen to MBMBaM? I'm going with one friend, so we're also thinking about bringing cards/board games, and any suggestions are welcome. - Bedsores with Bill Murray

15:23 - Y - Sent in by Erin Kys, from Yahoo! Answers user chasvanblom, who asks:

"How DEEP inside an apple is the Most nutrition? Enjoying a freshly-cut Washington state(r) apple, how / if different (nutritional value) is the peel (depth) to the center where the seeds sit? Does the flesh of an apple go into varying-ranges; with changing-nutritional levels getting higher toward the seeds? - Remembering Earth science / ag. classes from years ago, do Vegetables (onions, beets, etc.) have this same nutritional-range that varies by how deep the veggie is cut?"

22:40 - I need some advice. Two years ago, my husband and I bought a house. The neighbors are very nice, but they have a hearse parked in the driveway. Initially, we didn't really mind the hearse, however it has not started in two years, and it is attracting unwanted attention - gawkers, weirdos. Several other neighbors are trying to sell their houses and have complained about the hearse. Before you ask, yes, there is a coffin in the back. Our neighbor loves this thing. He has it parked in the middle of his driveway. He is unable to park either of his family's nice, drivable new cars in the driveway because of this horseless death carriage. How do we ask him to move his beloved mortician-mobile up the driveway? - Frequent Listeners

P.S. The plot thickens. He has started playing an organ very late at night, but only on Sundays.

32:29 - MZ - Sponsored by ProFlowers and Odd N Ends. Message for Hannah from Ky. Message for Seb from Krista and Rob. Advertisement for Switchblade Sisters.

39:45 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from an Yahoo! Answers user whom Griffin calls "Raj," who asks:

"If someone behaves like a vampire and I think they might really be a vampire, then am I allowed to break into the house? to see if it sleeps in a coffin? Legal protections around trespass are for humans and not vampires right? I also want to hold a mirror in front of it to see if it has a reflection and might only feel safe doing so whilst it's asleep."

48:39 - I'm currently attending cosmetology school, and I have been for several months now. Unfortunately, only today I have been told our school's graduation ceremony tradition. Each student on the graduation day gets to pick a song to come out to in front of everyone, and they are seated at the front of the class and complimented by their teachers and peers. It's actually quite lovely. My problem is this: I've been cheated out of three months to decide on a song. Three months in and they're just now telling me I must choose a song to encapsulate my entire being, a song that will be the soundtrack of my arrival to the professional world, a song of glory, of the literal blood, sweat, and tears I've given to graduate. Brothers, how do I pick the one perfect song that will escort me into the cold embrace of adulthood, pump up the rest of my class for graduation, and represent the essence of me? This is the most important decision of my life. Also, due to an incident that no one will fucking tell me about, no one is allowed to choose Party Rock Anthem. Thank you. - Bewildered in Beauty School

56:13 - Housekeeping

60:26 - FY - Sent in by Merit Palmer, from an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user whom Griffin calls "Purvis," who asks: "Is Squidward a Christian?"