User:BoxDroppingManApe/Quotes

Quotes I'm trying to find the episode for, so I can add them to the wiki. Some of them are not MBMBaM quotes, and some might be incorrect, misattributed, or not even an actual McElroy quote.

Justin Quotes

 * "Did you guys know that s'mores were invented when people were trying to figure out if marshmallows were witches? That's a true story I made up."
 * 145, 6:35
 * "He'll kick anything that moves. They don't let babies near him anymore."
 * 98, 2:30
 * "I grew up in a house where I once watched my dad eat a pop-tart with butter on it."
 * 362, 25:20
 * "Now if the horse at all my beans, then we'd have a fuckin' issue."
 * 362, 39:50
 * "Quick sidebar: I'm sorry this podcast is like it is sometimes."
 * 340, 11:35
 * "There's a dog in a bee costume at the bottom of the email."
 * 32, 47:30
 * "What I'm saying is that I'm sex positive and Christian Grey is nudity negative."
 * 355, 6:45

Travis Quotes

 * "Guns prohibited, rapiers encouraged."
 * 188
 * "How much of your anger is cabinet based?"
 * 189
 * "And that's so important that we find the ability, even in the darkest hour, to still maintain a level of horniness."
 * 392
 * "There's life out there, and they think I'm a dingus."
 * 415
 * "Welcome to the McElroy brothers eat snacks."
 * 202
 * "Your dentist knows your mouth better than, like, your lover."
 * 316

Griffin Quotes

 * "Furries can do infinite crime!"
 * 364
 * "I'm good on skin. I have enough."
 * "I'm not endorsing a completely hedonistic lifestyle, right? Like, I recycle. I just don't think it's too much to ask that we just, like, we throw our underwear away."
 * 32
 * "I know how to taste the sea, read the wind, and fuck the moon."
 * "I love how my tall, haunted wife physically dominates me!"
 * "I put my fidget spinner in it."
 * "I want to be an astronaut but I'm not willing to stop smoking weed."
 * "I'm a beautiful machine of fury and violence."
 * "I'm a Limp Bizkit skank boy now!"
 * 409
 * "Oh, I think we all know that I'm not gonna be the brother that dies first."
 * 105
 * "President Obama is definitely, definitely a Lady and the Tramp murder fetishist."
 * 101
 * "Resumes are essentially bullshit. You can put whatever on there and they'll never, ever, ever check it."
 * "Save a horse ride a cowboy, Proverbs 10:10."
 * "So his only weakness is being stabbed fourteen times?"
 * "Teens are very much into the following: one, bullying me on tumblr; two, dabbing."
 * "Your eyes look like semicolons, so that must mean you're tryna fuck."
 * 81

Unknown McElroy Quotes

 * All I want is booze and to die.
 * All of the sudden, it's not a crime. It's a friendship activity. But it is still very much a crime.
 * And THAT'S from the clitoris gang.
 * And then I went to the streets and did a murder most foul.
 * Are you asking for death from Hatsune Miku?
 * Because, apparently, I'm not allowed to talk about fifty shades of grey anymore.
 * Bottom is so fuckin dumb, and I love it, I love him for it.
 * But no - he was actually in a feminist punk band
 * Can you turn my ashes into vape juice when I die so I'll get as close to a ghost as I'll ever be?
 * Can't stop thinking about these dog dicks on this Chaise Lounge.
 * Check out this ceramic jimmy buffet parrot i got her.
 * Doin' whippits and eatin' creme brulee.
 * Don't eat my shorts and tell me it's a goat!
 * Don't fake the funk on this nasty dunk.
 * Enjoy this adult-sized pacifier, you bitch
 * Erotic magic, euro magic.
 * Game BOY huh? I need a Game MAN
 * 108
 * Give me a reckless, dangerous amount of mayonnaise.
 * God, I wish somebody would write plays for white people!
 * God can see through the roofs of all buildings, don't even try jerking off.
 * Have a knife somewhere, just somewhere.
 * Here's a benefit- this boner!
 * I am a comedy prostitute.
 * I am being slowly banished into non existence and I know that you are doing it.
 * I am convinced that they are just looking for a cover to have gay sex in the woods.
 * Possible misquote of Justin from 93
 * I brained him. I brained him real good.
 * I can highlight four different places where you fucked up so bad.
 * I can read your mind and tell you didn't wash your hands, you dirty fuck.
 * I can't really help you with your situation but I CAN fuck your butt with this broomstick.
 * I don't know why I agreed to be Prince.
 * If * shows me that smile again I'm gonna nut.
 * If a teen says you look cool, does that make you cool?
 * If I'm dead, I think I'm the most comfortable.
 * If I'm not aroused by looking into her eyes then I shall look no further.
 * If there's a movie with a robot in it and something bad happens to the robot I'mma cry for like three and a half weeks.
 * If you make mugging a crime, only the criminals will mug.
 * If you wanna look cool? Peeing on another guy is cool
 * I got her a bouquet of cool ranch roses.
 * I have a great suggestion: go to jail.
 * I have reached a time in my life where I'm old and irrelevant
 * I just wanted you to get really excited and then disappointed really fast.
 * Imagine my surprise when casual sex can cause problems between acquaintances.
 * I MIGHT die. i WILL get a boner.
 * I need that big comedy dong right in front of me.
 * I put on my wizard hat and prepared my body for you.
 * I really do think i don't have that many complex emotions.
 * Is there a secret farmer's market after sex party??
 * It doesn't fucking matter! I'm tryna make my spaghetti over here.
 * I think you know where I'm going with this; cum.
 * I told some kids in the neighborhood about how i was gonna die.
 * It's 2018. People can be both tangible items and sexual spirits.
 * It's amazing I have room for anything on my lap, what with this fat dick.
 * It's me, your medulla oblongata. I got you a sword.
 * it's so important, even in the darkness of moments, to maintain an adequate amount of horniness
 * I want you dead, you dirty fucking rat.
 * I would argue that a poptart is already ravioli.
 * I would like to formally request that you start referring to me as King Nuggets; the king of having nuggets.
 * I'd love to get a few more ingredients in this person soup.
 * I'll just be a mystery bearded man who lives in the house.
 * I'll take any excuse to eat a whole ham.
 * I'm a big, nasty worm.
 * I'm either listening to a nice audio book or I'm speaking with Baphomet.
 * I'm feeling an erotic interest in this.
 * I'm gonna kick your daddy's ass!
 * I'm in love with one of you, I'm gonna have to fuck all of you to figure out which one!
 * I'm sort of a meek cupboard child.
 * I've been doing hammock wrong.
 * I've doubted Fergie in the past and it has not served me well.
 * I've seen Pirates of the Caribbean Black Pearl sixteen times, today.
 * Listen, you're a grade A bitch
 * Maybe, as always, I'm right and you're wrong.
 * Maybe this is the year we all become sword people.
 * Maybe you're just tryin' to use the bathroom at Cracker Barrel and a guy comes up and shows you his nipple through a crack in the door.
 * Miracles are really just the reversal of lies you started believing
 * My dad, who poured kitty-liter and bleach down a drain and knocked himself out.
 * My diagnosis... is murder!!
 * My member is voluminous.
 * Nice list, naughty list, and naughty list special victims unit.
 * No one quite understands the dark magics that hold my potato body together.
 * Now take some of these xanies and get out there and go fucking hog wild!
 * Now we're cookin' with gas. It's bad gas and it's bad food, but it is cooking.
 * Oh, don't eat those grapes yet. they need time to cool.
 * Please follow me to jail.
 * Please tell me how to sedate the ravioli monster inside me.
 * Remember last night when you punched my butt?
 * Sometimes, when god closes a door, he opens a bathroom mystery
 * Spectral peepap is gonna make it happen for you.
 * Spoiler alert- I'm gonna fuck you.
 * Teach a kid to do art, he'll be unemployed his entire life. teach a kid to hang, and he can chill forever.
 * That fuckin' veggie bonanza got my dick rock hard, let's get home to our marital bed.
 * That's what my voice sounds like. Just wind blowing through a bone-filled cave.
 * That's what signaled the fall of Rome, is that they went to wearing those skinny fit togas.
 * The $1,200 is gonna be a gift for me, for my drug party tonight.
 * The cool ship has sailed, and then it was boarded by pirates and burned into the ocean.
 * The horniness is interfering with my ability to hear.
 * There's a band called Jefferson Airplane and I wish they would hit me right now and kill me with their propellers!
 * Justin, MaxFunDrive 2012
 * There's a fucking wizarding war going on? i'm going to go get my fucking ged. this is ridiculous!
 * There's a lot of sexy animals our there, you guys.
 * There's been a terrible ham mistake!
 * These are my 100% alcoholic hot dogs.
 * This is my original composition, it's called 'The Theme From Rugrats'.
 * This place is like Nasty Disney World, where all the bad kids go!
 * This salad I'm eating has scrambled eggs, and- uh, hot dog slices, and- uhh- uh, cool pictures of Spiderman.
 * Three barn owls watched me have sex in a tree. It was the most spiritual and erotic experience of my life.
 * Throw some fucking Beyoncé on your iPhone and just blast it.
 * We have adult fun, like watching Jeopardy together.
 * We've all been living in this moment for a while now and I think we can all agree it was a mistake.
 * What is your reason for calling aliens?
 * What I'm saying to you is that he has discrete jeans for sex.
 * When God closes a door, he throws a fucking sword in your window.
 * Why is it your responsibility that other people are so murderable?
 * Won't you fuckin' stab a bunch a folks with me tonight?
 * Yeah, fuck that, I'm gonna go be a hedonist.
 * You don't need to see magic, you can taste magic, you can smell magic.
 * You ever see a horse's schlong? It's great.
 * You have two options. You can either, uh, like, try to have a little bit of fun or just scream in mortal terror 24 hours a day.
 * You just get so fuckin' horny for baked goods.
 * You know it's a sin if you wouldn't do it in front of Jesus.
 * You like to sleep? Coward.
 * You must solve my bread riddle before I buy a sandwich.
 * Your school brought me in today to talk to you guys about the fact that you're dumbasses
 * You're all so horny, it's a little overwhelming.