Candlenights 2023 is a pre-taped video event that aired on December 16, 2023.[1] It is currently available in a pay-what-you-want, video on-demand format at The McElroy Merch store.
All proceeds from the original airing, the VOD, and the Candlenights merch go to Harmony House[2] in Huntington, West Virginia.
Featured guests include Sam Reich, John Green, Johnny Stanton IV, Jasper William Cartwright, Jason Charles Miller, Amy Dallen, and Montaigne with animations by DeepBlueInk and Justin Hall.
Poster designed by Zachary Sterling
Outline[]
0:08 - Intro - Admiral Griffin McElroy aboard the S.S. TravNation, An extended discussion of cuss words
5:55 - Email - I'm going to visit my girlfriend's parents' home for Canadian Thanksgiving dinner. I don't want to show up without a token of thanks for their hospitality, so I brought a wedge of cheese I think they'll like (Fontina Val d'Aosta). They love cheese, so I know the gesture will be well-received. However, I've only just realized I have no clue how to present them with the cheese. I don't think Thanksgiving presents are really a thing, so wrapping it seems weird to me. It also feels weird to just hand them cheese from my jacket pocket or bag. What do I do? What's the best way for me to present this cheesy gift? Any help would be awesome. -- Toront-Oh What's This Cheese Doing in My Bag?
14:28 - DeepBlueInk Animatic of the introduction of Terry the Nondenominational Gift Delivery Dragon in Episode 386: Candlenights 2017, featuring a cameo from this wiki!
16:35 - Sam Reich discusses how he conducts a traditional game of Candlenights Heist, with help from illustrations by Justin Hall.
18:56 - John Green shares an early 20th century Candlenights tradition from his boarding school.
19:40 - Stories with Your Gaffer - Carol and Clint McElroy perform a reading of How the Wretch Wrecked Candlenights! by Doctor Sheesh.
24:49 - Wizard of the Cloud - How to Buy a Christmas Present for Your Female Crush
42:05 - The McElroys make cookies à la Roll for Sandwich
- Travis & Teresa: Peanut Piggies, 9.5/10 (Trav's rating) or 7.5/10 (Teresa's rating)
- Griffin (feat. Rachel): What this man did is illegal. He gave it no name and no score "because it deserves neither of those things."
- Justin (with a very concerned cameo from Sydnee McElroy): Toiiilet Cake, 9.0/10
54:38 - Johnny Stanton IV and everyone at the Children of the Star Creed attempt to fulfill the prophecy told in the third telling of the fifth translation of the Book of Candlenights regarding personal pan pizzas.
55:54 - Jasper William Cartwright tells the story of a small child awaiting the arrival of Terry the Nondenominational Gift Delivery Dragon, and reminds us all to decorate our Candlenights shrubs with snakes.
58:54 - Victory McElroyale - The brothers conduct a speedrun of the 1991 SNES game Home Alone.
Candlenights 2023- Sneakret Santa
"Normalize victimless stealing. I think that's a fun tradition."
1:12:26 - Email - It's important to me to shop local for Candlenights gifts, but I live in a small town with only a few stores, and I keep accidentally buying my loved ones the same thing as the previous year. How do I keep from repeating presents? -- Shopping Small in Vermont.
1:18:49 - Jason Charles Miller plays "Alone on Candlenights"
1:22:17 - Amy Dallen sings "Have a Perfect Candlenights"
1:23:14 - Montaigne sings "Have a Happy Candlenights"
1:24:38 - That's a Christmas to Me - The dramatic return, over four years since its last appearance![3] In this revised version, Justin has brought several Christmas movies, all of which are real, and makes his brothers guess the title of the film.
1:37:02 - A Medicine Called Christmas: Undivorcing Mom and Dad - Featuring Charlie, Cooper, Sydnee, Justin, Tommy Smirl, Mary Smirl, Clint, a musical number about the reproductive system, and some open discussion of continuity errors.
1:47:16 - Special Message from Harmony House[2][4]
1:50:04 - Housekeeping & Special Thanks
1:51:59 - "Margaritaville" - Performed by, in order of appearance:
- Justin McElroy
- Sydnee McElroy
- Griffin McElroy
- Clint McElroy
- Carol McElroy
- Travis McElroy
- Teresa McElroy
- McElroy Family Staff:
- Alice
- Shannon
- McKay
- Tom
- Jupiter
- Amanda
- Sarah
- Rachel
- Jimmy Buffett[5]
- Lin-Manuel Miranda
1:56:25 - Credits & McElroy home videos, circa 1993
References[]
- ↑ Candlenights 2023 announcement
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 Harmony House site
- ↑ That's a Christmas to Me last appeared ahead of Candlenights 2019 in Episode 489.
- ↑ Before Brittany Ochoa, executive director of Harmony House, delivers her message, there is a quick greeting from Mae and Gary. Astute listeners may remember Gary and Mae from the intro of Episode 674, when Justin discussed Gary accidentally becoming a wife guy thirst trap.
- ↑ Jimmy passed away on September 1, 2023. The clip shown is an older one, of Jimmy nicely admonishing Sydnee's parents for taking her to a show at 4 years old.