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For a list of episodes that feature Count Donut, see Category:Count Donut.
Count-donut-pin

Official Count Donut pin from the McElroy Merch store

Count Donut is a character created by Justin, serving as a special guest host for Munch Squad updates that are themed after donuts or blood. The count was first introduced in Episode 532.

What We Know about Count Donut[]

The Basics[]

  • Count Donut is a vampire who is over 1000 years old.[1]
  • Count Donut is immune to all Earthly pathogens (but he still wears a facemask).[2]
  • He has Internal Blood Syndrome (IBS), meaning that he can only consume and digest blood.[2]
  • He lives in a castle in Donutvania, but considers himself a citizen of nowhere.[2] His castle is surrounded by a fence, dogs, and many traps.[3]
    • He later clarifies that his dogs are hounds, and they are not misunderstood or unfairly stigmatized - they are bad, bad boys and extremely dangerous.[1]
  • Long before Count Donut appeared on the podcast, Justin impersonated him in Episode 1 of the Seeso TV show[2]
  • Count Donut, like bees, comes from the planet B.

Powers / Existentially Troubling Facts[]

  • Count Donut and Richard Stink both live inside of Justin, and when they emerge Justin is sent to hell until they stop controlling his body. [4]
    • Count Donut can temporarily escape Justin's body as it sometimes gets cramped, especially when Justin has eaten a lot of Long John Silvers.
    • Justin is assumedly alive in hell, as he stated that he cannot be killed.[5]
  • Count Donut glistens in sunlight.[6]
    • He can, however, only go out into the sunlight for one day a year, on Halloween. [7]
  • He does need to drink blood to survive, however, he only steals the blood types nobody wants (such as D).
  • When he drinks blood, it does get excreted directly out of his body as hair, like a Play-Doh fun guy. [7]
    • He also defecates hair. [7]
  • His armpits contain webbing that can grow to "hilarious scale," thus enabling him to fly.[5]
  • Things that can kill him include water[7] and, oddly, asparagus.[1]
    • Being pissed on by people who ate asparagus, on the other hand, only causes upper respiratory conditions, and that after several years of exposure in a laboratory environment. Many vampires choose to do this anyway, despite knowing the risks, because they are freaky that way.[1]
  • Count Donut loses 10 years of his immortality every time he makes a pun, something he implies is true of all vampires. Sometimes though, he just can't resist the temptation.[1]
    • Perhaps because of this, vampires often heckle each other over bad jokes.[1]

Relationships[]

  • He used to employ a servant named Renfield, but Count Donut murdered him in cold blood at the request of the Travis.[2] Count Donut's current assistant, Buller, is a little rat who knows how to use the computer. [7]
  • Count Donut attempted to kill Justin in order to take his place as the sole host of Munch Squad, but Justin later revealed himself to be alive and well when he realized that it would extremely disturbing if people sent condolences to his wife, Sydnee. Don't do that.[2]
  • Count Donut has a son, Count Rick Donut, Jr.[8]
  • He is married to Drew Barrymore. [7]
  • Edward Cullen was his childhood babysitter.[1]
  • His archenemy is Dave Skena, Global Chief Brand Officer for Krispy Kreme,[3] who is, in turn, precisely 3700 bees in a skin bag.[9]
  • He knows the Babadook, who Count Donut describes as a "real party animal."[1]
  • He also knows Slenderman, or as Count Donut calls him, Greg. He says Slenderman is just a skinny guy and the other monsters aren't sure why everyone is afraid of him.[1]
  • It is strongly implied he has engaged in sexual congress with a lagoon monster, as he described them as "a great lay but a real wet hug."[1]
  • He is racist towards werewolves.[1]

Fun Facts[]

  • Count Donut appreciates donuts aesthetically and could eat them, but prefers not to because of his gluten intolerance.
  • He enjoys the summertime by recording video of people outside his home during the daytime and then... enjoying them at night.[3]
  • Count Donut has never seen a movie since he gets carsick, but has watched occasional episodes of The Loud House in the back of Justin’s Big Beautiful Buick.
  • The voice of Travis and Griffin give him A.S.M.R. which stands for Awesome Sanguine Meridian Response.[10]
  • He lacks object permanence. [7]
    • Especially regarding things that are underwater, and when he is "gone". He believes anything that comes from "the water" comes from a "vortex".[7]
  • Count Donut has never seen a fish, nor has he seen most frogs. However, he is singlehandedly responsible for endless shrimp at Red Lobster.[7]
  • A judge declared Count Donut's cape to be a security cape that he can wear anywhere he wants.[5]
  • He is a member of the Screen Actor's Guild.[3]

Notes[]

  • Count Donut was mentioned in Episode 535, but the Munch Squad Jr. was too insignificant for him to appear in-person.

References & Links[]

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