"A Tight Rectangular Chassis" was originally released on June 14, 2010, at 2:55 AM.

Description Edit

Though forces of nature attempted to tear us apart, the brothers McElroy managed to carve 45 minutes out of our busy week to answer your queries. Sure, it resulted in one of our more unconventional episodes, but that’s not to say it’s “bad.” Okay, the 22-minute freestyle verbal jazz segment was weird and unnecessary, but we think it works pretty well in context.

Suggested Talking Points Edit

Uncle David’s banjo, Mr. Stinky Booty/True Survivor, body shapes, strip joint follies, Dakota Memorial Mobile Spray Tanning Station, Swoopin’ Osama, sexy clowns

Outline Edit

1:35 - I'm in a bit of a pickle. I live in Columbus, Ohio, where our annual community festival or CommFest is held on the last weekend of June. I look forward to CommFest every year, and it's usually the highlight of my summer. Unfortunately this year my family's planning a family reunion in Kentucky during the CommFest weekend. I'm thinking of skipping the reunion in favor of CommFest at the risk of disappointing my moms. Do I fake sick? Should I just suck it up and go to the reunion? - Mike

4:28 - I like my best guy friend, but I'm 95% sure he doesn't like me like that. What do I do? - Formspring

6:19 - I'm the last single guy in my circle of friends, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all their wives/girlfriends profoundly dislike me. What can I do to cope with the awkward tension of any social gathering with my bros and their hos? - Formspring

7:45 - Y - From Yahoo Answers user Mr. Stinky Booty, who asks:

My mom wont let me have a gun.....yet and I want to hunt stuff?
can I just use an axe? or a machete?
9:34 - Is it ever appropriate to ask out your cute barista? - VoteSizemore

11:01 - My friend Arthur has never been in a fight, and always complains about it while intoxicated. Should I punch him in the face? - 9mikor9

13:09 - I am walking one way and a person passing me going the other way says something along the lines of "how are you doing?". Am I supposed to tell them how I am doing? That involves too much conversation, plus then I feel required to ask them how they are. This can end up taking too much time. If I say nothing, that is rude. Am I supposed to just say it back?

15:37 - Y - From Yahoo Answers user Aisha, who asks:

What is my body shape?
I'm finding it really hard to know what my body shape is. I think I'm an hourglass, but my measurements make me wonder if I am a spoon, or even a rectangle. (waist 31, hip 37, bust 37.5)
17:14 - Some of my coworkers have asked me to go on a night out, but they want to go to a strip joint during the night. Is there any way I could persuade them to do other stuff? Strip joints make me feel gross and pervy.

19:55 - I use the bus a lot, and I thought I could use that time to practice my less-than-stellar social skills. How can I start a conversation with people without coming off as creepy or annoying? I'd love to meet some new people to hang out with.

23:40 - Y - From Yahoo Answers user DAKOTAS MOMMY, who asks:

it is a spray tan business where I travel to your home. Please let me know what name you like the best. 
  caribbean tan 2 go 
  caribbean tan 2 you 
  tropical tan 2 you 
  tropical tan 2 go 
  beach tan 2 go 
  beach tan 2 you 
  tropic tan 2 go 
  tropic tan 2 you
26:42 - Hi, gentlemen. I live in Connecticut and I recently started dating a guy from NYC (I'm gay, by the way). We get along great and I think this has some real potential. The only mismatch is that he likes to go out all the time, but I'm more of a homebody. How can I make this work?

29:10 - So here's the deal. Back in February, I met a girl who was with the Marine Corps. At that time, I was in the process of joining, but hadn't yet. We became friends and I started liking her. Now I've sworn into the USMC and it turns out she likes me, but if we get into a relationship, it could technically be considered fraternization. What should I do? - Tristan

33:10 - Hey guys. Is it wrong to be in a long term relationship with a girl, even though you know it's not going to be a happily ever after kind of thing? And if so, how long is too long? - P-Dunk

35:39 - My boyfriend and I are celebrating our three-year anniversary in a week or so. Unfortunately, I'm far away in grad school and dealing with crazy family times. This is where you come in. I need ideas for gifts, and I am certain he would love anything you suggest. - Stacey

37:54 - Y - From Yahoo Answers user justanotherhuman, who asks:

Is it weird to like animated characters more than real life people?
Let's say a cartoon figure. I think, depending on the cartoon, some females look astonishingly beautiful, and usually they have a great personality. I start to imaginate how it would be to date such a character, and the outcome is, it's better than real life. I don't really like real life females much, most of them - not all - are really superficial and usually just want something from you. Don't misunderstand, I can clearly see the line between fantasy and real life, it's just that fantasy is much more appealing to me.
40:42 - I am 22 and a hopeless romantic. I have been blown away, and not in a good way, by the desires of men that I meet. I don't see why it's so hard for a guy to take a girl out, or at least open a door for her or buy her a beer or dinner. They all just wanna screw and fool around. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but why have men thought that dinner and drinks is no longer necessary? It's making my loving heart sad. Keeping my ears open, loving you three. - Delia

43:42 - Housekeeping

45:56 - FY - From Yahoo Answers user Christian, who asks:

What is justin bieber's cell phone number?

Quotes Edit

Ladies, I know this is weird. Let's ride it out.
— Justin
What I love about the question is he doesn't say what can I do to stop the awkward tension, he says what can I do to cope with it.
— Travis
This is like saying I really want to eat a peanut butter sandwich, but I'm 95% sure I'm allergic to peanuts.
— Travis
What's the lineup at the family reunion?"
"The lineup at the family reunion is Uncle David, and that's pretty much it. It's just Uncle David and his banjo.
— Travis & Griffin
Have you thought about merging the two events and inviting your family to ComFest?
— Griffin
Stop saying "hos" and then ~pack your bags and move away, you're not wanted there~!
— Griffin

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

References & Links Edit