Be advised that some of the episodes released before approximately Episode 135: TWENTY-DIRT (released January 7, 2013) may be offensive or problematic in general. This episode contains instances of the following: Ableism, Animal Killing, Misogynistic Language.
"Sext Fiction" was originally released on April 23, 2012.
You thought we were going to call it quits after a hundred episodes? We'll be honest -- we considered it. But we managed to overcome our extreme exhaustion to bring you another episode chock-full of tangents and straight-up gobbledigook.
Suggested Talking Points
Holo-BIG, Leap Anniversary, Scorpion Improvement, Recovery Sandwich Recovery, Choose Your Own Adventure, Wingmanning, The Theme to Doug, Lady and the Tramp Killer
07:33 - Email - Hey brothers. Just so you know, I took your advice and moved in with my wife, we were engaged. We got married on February 29. No, she does not poop in the shower. Finally, I have a question about our anniversary: should I do something small every year on February 28th and do something a bit bigger every leap year, or should I wait until leap year and do something freaking huge - four weeks worth combined into one. -- Leaping Into It
13:39 - Y - Sent in by Steve Lewis, from Yahoo! Answers user marymary x3o, who asks:
How do i improve my scorpions?
my scorpions are okay..but not the best. how do i improve them? i've been struggling with them for months!
22:11 - Email - Hey brothers, I got out of a two-year-long relationship in February, and I got over her really quickly a la the recovery sandwich. The problem is, I'm finding it hard to ease into a relationship or casual dating. I dove in and started dating another girl (it didn't work out), and I got out. Now I'm seeing another girl, but we went from meeting three weeks ago, she's spending three or four nights a week at my place in that short and sweet time. What advice do you have for pumping the breaks to ease into this relationship? -- Love-alanche In Louisville
How to end a sexting convo?
Pleeasseeeeee don't judge me first of all! My boyfriend wants to sext me (no pics) but I don't really know how to END the conversation, my friend says she just doesn't reply but I don't wanna dothat, how would I end it? thanks! :)
40:43 - MZ - Sponsored by Brent Black for "What if This CD... Had Lyrics?"
46:35 - Email - I have a good, loyal, kind friend who is tragically incapable of romantic success. He is constantly too drunk, lamenting his last rebuke to lay down game on the next potential. What are some good wingman moves I can use to get him hooked up so he will be happy and stop complaining?[Deep Cut 2] -- Dating Delegate In Davis
55:57 - Email - I'm in dire need of advice on smiling. I simply cannot do it on command for pictures. It's not that I frown, I just end up sarcastically smirking or simply there with my mouth agape. People (especially my mother and girlfriend) detest this shortcoming. Please help. -- Expressionless In Pennsylvania
60:39 - Y - Sent in by Steve Lewis, from Yahoo! Answers user Jerry Brewer, who asks:
How do I get my dogs to romantically eat spaghetti?
I have a cocker spaniel and some kind of mutt. I have a little table set up in a replica authentic Italian restaraunt I built in my basement. I have tried everything to get these dogs to eat romantically. But they do the exact opposite in fact. They just eat it really fast and fight each other for the spaghetti. I don't know what else to do. I am very serious about this. Please, only serious answers.
67:32 - Housekeeping - [Note 2]
69:54 - FY - Sent in by Mike Sherwin, from Yahoo! Answers user Mr. Dang, who asks:
How long have you had a crush on Gary Busey?
On MBMBaM: We Are Made Of Light
- “If God ever finally gets the better of me, will you guys promise to never make a hologram of me?”
“I can't do that.”
- — Griffin & Justin
On Scorpion Improvement
- “I think scorpions are so hateful that if you corked their tails and rubber-banded their claws, that they'd learn to bite or learn how to use a gun without their hands.”
- — Justin
- “And also the frog has a really high credit score, so he's able to get a house.”
- — Travis
- “Okay, listen, this has been the least productive meeting we've had about Madagascar 4 yet, and I think we need to go back to the drawing board and really see where we went astray. I have a theory that it's when we introduced scorpions. They ruin everything, including our Madagascar 4 production meetings.”
- — Justin
On Least Favorite McCarthy.
- “Jenny McCarthy can ramp a flaming Volvo into a pile of shit, for all I care. I hate her.”
- — Justin
On Choose Your Own Adventure
- “You know that fanny doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means across the universe, right? It's a vagina.”
“Holy shit... my butt's a vagina?”
- — Travis & Griffin
On McElroy Expressions
- “I mean, that's a McElroy thing. Is, like, if we smile too big, our eyes just automatically close.”
- — Travis
- “President Obama is definitely, definitely a Lady and the Tramp murder fetishist.”
- — Griffin
- The title goof appears in this segment.
- Lin-Manuel Miranda is mentioned on the show for the first time in this segment.