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"Heaton Up" was originally released on May 13, 2013.

Description

This week, Justin announces that he's ready to give the greatest Mother's Day gift of all: The gift of life. He's got a baby, in there. In that crazy womb of his.

Suggested Talking Points

Junior Disease, Complaints, Genny Up, Patricia Chiefin, Sexual Kobayashi Maru, Rattata Frittata, Homeland, Kid Court

Outline[]

0:50 - Intro - Justin is going to be a mother, on account of contracting Junior disease. He's definitely in... one of the trimesters.

5:44 - Email - How do I respond to complainers? I often find myself at the receiving end of some sort of rant. People recounting bad customer service experiences, ways their friends have slighted them, and so on. What's the best way to react? Complaining is a pet peeve of mine, but I don't want to be rude. Do I agree with them? Stay neutral? I try to be noncommittal and let them vent, but I'm worried my annoyance shows through. What should I do? -- Complained Out in Carnation.

10:58 - Travis' Pondering Corner - "As I was going through the emails last night, we got an email from Robin, and Robin made an excellent point that we have a tendency to use phrases like 'man up' or 'nut up' or, you know, something along those lines." After briefly contemplating "power up" and "genitals up" as replacements, they land on "genny up", a phrase they use on and off for some time after.

13:10 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo Answers user Nick who asks:

My mom took my swag. how do i steal it back?
yeah like a month ago my mom caught me chiefing a cig. she then took all my snapbacks and proceeded to tell me that she took my swag. at first it seemed a little stupid, but now i no longer feel the urge to smoke cigs or wear bulls snapbacks. how do i steal the swag back?

20:02 - Email - At my college, there is a girl I really like. I met her once at the beginning of the semester, but didn't get her name, and recently saw her in the library and approached her. Besides coming off a bit strong, I really like her. We got on well and I asked her if we could have coffee sometime, to which she agreed. She then added me on Facebook. When I check out her profile, though, it said she was interested in women, not men. Should I trust this and give up advances of romance, or ask her out and hope for the best? -- Confused Facebooker in Bundura.

27:53 - Y - Sent in by William Bron, from Yahoo Answers user GhostDadStarringBillCosby, who asks:

Do people in the Pokemon universe eat Pokemon?
Pokemon seem to be the only animals around in the world created by the show and games. Do the humans who live there eat Pokemon? Considering that they all can be caught and trained, they obviously have some sort of intelligence, so would eating them be in violation of some sort of ethical code?
The only way around this, I suppose, would be if everyone was vegetarian, but I don't see much evidence to support either side.
What do you think?

Conversation naturally turns to the edibility of various Pokémon, horses, and force-feeding losing Pokémon to their trainers.

35:01 - MZ - Personal message from Robin. Personal message from Johann Sterner and Kajsa Lunde. Extreme Restraints has everything under the sun that you can put in your bum. Travis explains how to use cock rings. Ad for Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident.

42:26 - Email - I often find myself flying alone on trips. The problem comes when using the restroom at the airport. As a solo flyer, my only option is to take my carry-on bags with me into the bathroom. But then what? I hate putting my bags on the bathroom floor, but I don't see any other choice. Help me out, brothers. What can I do?

48:55 - Y - Sent in by Cal Skuthorpe, from Yahoo Answers user Soccerman, who asks:

Can my parents sue me for breaking the window?
I was playing cracker with my younger brother and I hit it and shattered the window. I'm 15.

53:32 - Housekeeping

57:10 - FY - Sent in by the Birthday Boy Fredrick Olsen, from Yahoo Answers user YOOOOYOOOO, who asks:

I wanna join the illuminati and be come famous with basketball?

Quotes[]

On Complaining about MBMBaM[]

“From now on, that's what you get if you complain about our shows - you get a low-res JPEG of the Chilean miners.”
— Justin

On Chiefing a Cig[]

“That's when you smoke a cigarette, but with your butt.”
— Griffin

On Eating Pokémon[]

“Anytime you eat one, it's like eating a show pony.”
— Justin
“Nobody's eating Mew, but people are probably eating Pidgeys left and right.”
— Travis
“I could go for a Rattata Frittata right now.”
— Justin
“What if you get your starter Pokémon and just eat it instantly? 'Which one do I want, which one do I want... I'll take the grass type! Lemme get a little ranch... Can I have another one? Aw, game over.'”
— Griffin
“Stop eating Pokémon! You fucked up! We gave them superpowers!”
The Jesus of Pokémon

On "Cock"[]

“That word makes me uncomfortable.”
— Griffin, who will also say "weiner" and "dingdong"

Trivia[]

In the Pokémon bit, Travis essentially invents Pokémon GO:

"I hope you're listening Pokémon Game developers: If you want to evolve your Pokémon, you have to make them eat another Pokémon of the same type."

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