"Birthday Surprise Hole" was originally released on July 6, 2015.
So, look. Here's the thing. We prepped all our questions for this episode, but about 10 minutes in, we realized that we just weren't going to do them. So, in this bizarre installment of MBMBaM, we share advice that we wish we could have given our past selves -- important instructions like: Hey, put that bottle of frosted tip gel down. Put it in the garbage, actually.
Suggested Talking Points
Cold Showers, Exotic Salsas, Video Toasters, Minkus Khan, Safety Patrol, The Pub, Vintage Cocaine, Balls Out United, Peer-Reviewed Bacon, Credit Card Collapse, On Frosted Tips, The Worst Birthday Present of All Time
00:45 - Justin talks about how great cold showers are. The brothers go on a tangent about salsa for some reason.
06:44 - Griffin remembers when, in his high school TV production class, he tried to make a cooking show using the condiment station at school and failed and created a horrible approximation of "salsa".
07:28 - Justin remembers when the other students in his TV production class made the TV read "Justin is a homosexual" while he was on screen and was more angry that they knew how to make text appear and he didn't than about their insult.
08:50 - The brothers decide to just keep talking about their own lives for the whole show. "Do you guys just want to rap this whole time? We've gone nine minutes now without doing a question." "Yeah, let's keep it going!"
08:57 - Travis remembers when he tried to write an exposé about why there were never any turkey club sandwiches during his school's third lunch period. Griffin remembers when he tried to film one on pedometer shaking that turned into "a bunch of jerk-off gags".
09:55 - Justin remembers when he did Top 10 Lists (and ripped off David Letterman) on his school news and eventually got fired from doing them.
11:04 - The brothers remember how Travis resembled Minkus from Boy Meets World.
13:04 - The brothers remember their TaG ("Talented and Gifted") classes which were essentially a "reprieve from being bullied".
15:58 - The brothers remember their time on the school Safety Patrol. Griffin remembers being captain of the Fire Patrol.
19:33 - Justin remembers how he was fired from two jobs - notably, he was fired from Blockbuster Video for stealing a copy of Fight Club and potentially a copy of Showgirls.
25:25 - The brothers discuss the people they knew in college who did drugs around them. "Did you guys ever do cocaine?" Justin realizes he's the Doritos of people in that hanging out with him was part of his friends' essential marijuana-smoking experience.
28:25 - Justin remembers when he gave someone some money to fund a drug deal and made a little bit of money off of it. The company he was trying to start with his friend was called Balls Out United.
32:28 - MZ - Sponsored by Harry's. Sponsored by Squarespace (with bonus plug for Things I Bought At Sheetz). Personal message from Grant. Personal message from Snugglebeard.
38:35 - Justin talks for a long time about trying and failing to make candied bacon. Griffin throws a fit about how uninterested he is in candied bacon and eventually just starts playing Hearthstone.
45:53 - Sway
49:12 - Justin remembers signing up for a credit card just to get a hat at a baseball game in high school.
54:05 - The brothers remember Justin's awful hair decisions - frosted tips (because his girlfriend was getting bleached blonde and they had dye left over) and baldness (after shaving his head like a monk for a school play).
59:56 - Justin tries to get his girlfriend a surprise belly button piercing for her birthday. Griffin freaks the fuck out.
62:42 - Housekeeping
66:32 - Final embarrassing stories: Justin lipsynced "Sweet Home Alabama" wearing a hobo shirt and holding a hobo knapsack on a stage. Griffin and Travis lipsynced "Walk the Dinosaur". Griffin wrote a Pokemon story for a final project for school and had to read it for the whole class.
On the Fire Patrol
- “You guys know I was captain of the fire patrol? Yeah, I got a lot of puss.”
- — Griffin
On Inappropriate Romantic Gifts
- “If it wasn't you telling me this, I would be calling the police right now!”
- — Griffin
- Kidsmag!, the kids' news show that Justin and Travis participated in, was featured on WOWK, the same Huntington channel that was host to The Time Belt and Peace on the Playground. Justin wrote a Polygon article about a video game piece he worked on for the show.
- While discussing their experiences in high school TV production class, Griffin repeatedly clips the word "bunch" to the rhythm of Jamie Foxx's "Blame It" (or potentially the opening of "Gonna Fly Now", the theme from Rocky).
- While discussing Justin's brief tenure as a drug kingpin, Griffin refers to him as "Heisenberg" and "Gus Fring," characters from the show Breaking Bad.