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Justin: "I, uh, I have a cat who is generally a bit stand-offish. She doesn't snuggle, doesn't much like being picked up. The only time she wants to get on my lap is when I'm in the bathroom, tending to secondary biological output. I have always enjoyed her company as an alternative to reading or staring blankly at a wall; my husband, however, thinks the whole thing is weird, and that I should leave the door shut, ignore her plaintive meows, and get on with my business myself."
Griffin: Hm.
Justin: "She seems so sad when I don't let her in, though. Please give me some guidance here."
Griffin: Who is that from?
Justin: That's from Poop Lap. Um—
Griffin: Sorry? Can you slow it down a bit?
Justin: Just, uh… It's— it's, uh— Poop— Poop— [chuckles] Poop Lap?
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: Yeah…
Griffin: I'm trying to imagine what the— the sad mewing of a cat sounds like when it's behind the door of a bathroom where you are defecating, uh, and that cat — all it wants— oh, all it wants is to just come in and just chill with you while you do your business? I'm trying to imagine what that sounds like.
Justin: I'm— I'm—
Travis: I— I'll— I'll tell you, Griffin: it sounds exactly like Purple Rain.
Justin: I'm trying to make a concerted effort here to not take this into scatalogical territory, so I'm going to talk about the ethics of what's happening here.
Griffin: Okay!
Justin: In this modern society— In this society in which we live, we are so connected. Every moment, you're on the 'book, you're on the FB, you're on the Google, you're Googling, you're, uh, tweeting? Twoto… On all the services. Formspring.
Griffin: Tumbl— Tumblin'.
Justin: Tumblin'. You're on the Tumblin'. [chuckles] You're on the Tamblyn. You're on the—
Travis: Grumping.
Justin: You're krumping. Just, so many different outlets for— for people to stay connected to you. The— The B-room is really the one time of the day when you get to just be you. That's for nobody else. Not for your cat. Not for Facebook.
Griffin: What you're— What you're ignoring, though, is that your cat's not on Twitter. Your cats not on Facebook.
Justin: That you know of. That you know of.
Griffin: It's not Tumblin'.
Justin: That you know of.
Griffin: It's not Smenging. I— I'm— I'm pr-pretty sure no cats are— are on my Facebook friends. Um—
Justin: I see a lot of people who—
Travis: I actually— I actually have a couple.
Justin: Yeah, I have people who use their cats as their pictures, which— By the way, that's not you. Stop lying. Get your baby off there too, while we're at it. It's not you! You're baby is not you. You are you. Don't confuse me.
Travis: Also, pictures of you holding other people's babies? Not cool. It's confusing.
Justin: Not cool. Get off— You're putting your baby on the grid, already. It's just a baby; he's on the grid. Um, I— I think that I've— I have to be pretty steadfast in this, Griffin. I understand what you're saying, but it's a— it's a— it's about your mental state. It's not about your cat can't track you on Twitter, so now you're going to let it get in the bathroom with you in the b— in the bathroom with you.
Griffin: But the thing is, like, this is— it sounds like it's good for her mental state. She enjoys the cat's company while she's, um— while she's making business. Like—
Justin: What does it say about the cat's relationship? Like, the only time she likes to be with you—
Griffin: Oh, the cat's a fuckin' freak! Like, don't get me wrong!
Travis: As long as we can all agree on that.
Justin: [laughs] Okay. The cat's, like, dirty, right?
Griffin: That cat is a dirty-ass cat. The cat is— is some sort of reincarnated scat pervert. Like, fuck that cat! Your cat's a— Your cat's a freak!
Travis: Your cat is a pervert.
Griffin: Your cat is a pervert. Um, but, I mean, if you enjoy her company then— then more power to you. I say poop away, cat on lap.
Justin: I hate it when you just—
Travis: I don't think— I don't think it's okay. Let's take a vote: is it okay?
Justin: It's not.
Travis: It's not okay.
Justin: Is November 8th the best day of the year? Yes.
Travis: Yes.
Justin: Yes. Okay. Majority rules! [chuckles] It's the best.
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