Justin: | "Hey Three Amibros," Heh, I like it. Uh, "I work in retail, and I'm next in line to be manager." Uh, "My boss always complains about hating his job, but he just won't leave. How can I get him to quit? I want him— I want a promotion." Griffin, you know what it's time for? HIGHLANDER! WHAT'S UP?! |
Griffin: | Yeah. You gotta— |
Justin: | "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MANAGER OF THIS DENNY'S, WHAT?!" |
Griffin: | [chuckles] Don't cut off his head! Whatever you do, that's gonna be more trouble than— than you want [cross talk] |
Justin: | "I— I RULE THE GAP!" |
Griffin: | Um, [laughs] it will be pretty cool when lightning strikes you in the Gap, filling you with powers… |
Justin: | "I'M FOLDING MY LAST SWEATER! NOW I MAKE THE SCHEDULES!" |
Griffin: | [imitating Freddie Mercury in Princes Of The Universe] "Here we are!" [makes a percussive sound] Um— |
Justin: | [also imitating Mercury] "Born to be kings of this Gap that I now can run!" [makes a percussive sound] |
Griffin: | You— [laughs] You should… quit. |
Justin: | [laughing] Wait! Wait, how can he quit? He just killed his manager! |
Griffin: | Before you kill your manager— |
Justin: | Okay. |
Griffin: | (and by before, I mean… don't. Just don't do that), um— |
Justin: | [laughing] Well, don't do it and quit! That defeats the whole purpose! |
Griffin: | [chuckles] I think you should just quit. |
Justin: | Wait, why? |
Travis: | Because retail blows. |
Griffin: | It— It just doesn't sound like it's right for you. |
Justin: | Uh— Uh, I think we've all worked our— our fair share of retail jobs, and I've had a manager or two that I would like to cut their head off. |
Griffin: | Sure. |
Justin: | Yeah. |
Travis: | Well, yes. |
Griffin: | I— I— [frustrated sigh] I mean, I've only worked one, but it— I mean, that was a pretty pleasant experience overall. |
Justin: | If you are, like, a hundred percent sure— |
Travis: | You got mugged, Griffin! You got robbed! What are you talking about?! |
Griffin: | I did get robbed. |
Travis: | You got robbed at gunpoint! |
Griffin: | That was a growth experience that taught me about myself! And I'm sure it taught that person a little bit about themselves, too! |
Justin: | Yeah. [laughs] I'm positive! Or, at least, now that they're in jail. |
Griffin: | [laughs] Now that they're in prison, yeah. |
Justin: | Do you know that if there is a quickening after a murder, you cannot be tried for it? That's true. |
Griffin: | I did not know that! |
Justin: | Yeah, if you're a hundred percent sure there is going to be a quickening after you cut someone's head off with a katana… |
Griffin: | [sighs] I guess that explains why (in— in Highlander: The Series, I mean)— Duncan kills a lot of dudes, right? |
Travis: | Oh, yeah. |
Griffin: | But he never has to face any litigatory pressure. |
Justin: | [seriously] I— I would never watch something like that. I don't— I don't know why you would reference that. |
Griffin: | Oh, you didn't? |
Justin: | I have— What? No. What?! No! |
Griffin: | On— On USA? |
Travis: | That show was awesome. |
Justin: | It's all good— It's all fun and games to talk about cutting a manager's head off with a katana, but when you're talking about actually watching Highlander? I don't know. Like, The Series. I— It just goes a little bit too far, I think. |
Travis: | Formspring, let me give you some real advice here. |
Justin: | Uh oh! |
Travis: | I know! Here's what you need to do: The next time your manager doodles something or makes something out of a straw paper, act like it's the greatest thing you've ever seen, and encourage him to become a famous artist. |
Justin: | Ooo… |
Griffin: | That's pretty good! |
Justin: | I like that! Let— Like, tell— Tell him that he's too good for retail, and he needs to get out? |
Travis: | Exactly. |
Justin: | Uh— |
Travis: | And then after he quits, be like, "I was just kidding, that's dumb! Haha!" |
Justin: | Yeah, and then be like, "I'm the manager now. HIGHLANDER!" Like, say that then. Um, I— I— Here's another option: Ask him to come back to the warehouse and look at something for you while there's a bunch of people in there, and then just, like, as soon as you get back there, shout, "No, you can't touch my wiener! Like, you can't rub it and touch it!" And then, like, run out screaming with your pants around your ankles, and people will— They will call for his head! [laughing] And then, after they call for his head, natch— |
Griffin: | Cut it off. Quickening. Highlander. Yep. |
Justin: | Cut it off. Quickening. Highlander. Yeah. |
Griffin: | [laughing] I'm— With— I think I know what the theme of this episode is! |
Justin: | [laughs] Uh, a Highlander-style quickening, after, uh, and empty, uh, accusation of sexual misconduct. |
Travis: | [laughs] "There can be only one… appropriate response." |
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Episode 29: The Quickening/Transcript/Question4
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