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"Beanfreak" was originally released on May 8, 2017.

Description

We don't know about you, but we're still feeling that post-Derby glow. Seeing all those big, magnificent animals do their best out on that sloppy, sloppy track has prepared us for whatever life has to throw at us this week. GOD, horses are good.

Suggested Talking Points

Creamy Dream, Collaberal, Horrible Triangles, Foot Locker Strategy Guide, Houseboats, Batman's Very Tight Suit, Mindfreak Magic Kit

Outline[]

0:51 - Intro - It's time for the Kentucky Derby. Horse names ensue, as Travis quizzes his brothers on real horse names vs. fake ones, and Griffin discusses disposing of failed horses.[Note 1]

10:11 - Email - At dinner with my in-laws the other night, I found about a vacation package they had purchased off the internet and were inviting myself and my S.O. to join them. A simple Google search led me to find the package was likely a scam, and that the company behind it had a long list of scam complaints in the past. My question though is, what's the best way to tell a friend or love one they have been scammed without making them feel stupid or angry or ruining their vacation. I feel guilty for not telling them, but also don't want them to go on their vacation and let them get scammed anyway. -- Scammed by Scoundrels in Sydney.

15:39 - Munch Squad - Taco Bell's Naked Chicken Chips, featuring dippable nacho cheese sauce (as opposed to the unfathomable and chip-resistant sauces they've clearly used in the past), new fourth brother Marisa Thalberg, and Taco Bell creating their own Moriarty.

23:12 - Y - Sent in by Tristan Hyatt, from Yahoo Answers user Reggie[Note 2], who asks:

(WIERD QUESTION) how do you shop at footlocker?
Yeah... I've never understood it. Where do they keep the actual shoes do you have to talk to an employee? I hope this question doesn't seem dumb lol. I've kinda been in one for like 2 minutes and felt out of place. I saw a few boxes but I just left after that.

34:34 - MZ - Ride with Lyft because they won't let Travis drive for them, Stare at flowers for 9 hours with ProFlowers, personal message from Hailey (feat. Edward Snowden), personal message from Nate B, Phone jokes & riddles, ad for Beef and Dairy Network.

48:17 - Email - Do you think living on a houseboat would be as fun as it sounds? -- Landlocked in Illinois.

51:25 - Y - Sent in by Riding High Zoe Kinsky, from Yahoo Answers user Keith[Note 2], who asks:

Riddle me this Batman. How can you find out if you were breast fed without asking anyone in your family?
Batman jokes aside, how can you find out if you were breast fed without asking anyone in your family?

The boys exclusively talk about Batman here and not the other thing, including how much talc he must use before getting in his suit, how rough his dick and balls would be in it, him peeing in it, and what Alfred would do to get back at Bruce for it.

56:47 - Email - The other day my boyfriend went thrift shopping on his day off from work. When he got home, I asked him if he found anything good. He said he had, and proceeded to show me a Criss Angel: Mindfreak magic kit. I really like this guy. What do I do?[Note 3]

1:03:32 - FY - Sent in by Keep It Wavy Morgan Davy, from Yahoo Answers user Cream Dream[Note 2], who asks:

Did Arthur (from the cartoon) ever go to a funeral in the show??

Quotes[]

On Bad Horses[]

“Okay, here’s my thing on horse racing and I’ve got a whole bit that you guys are just gonna love on this. First place, you win, your owner gets like a million dollars, and you get to bust, like, the deepest nut ever that night, congratulations. Two, three, four, five, you get the wreath and I guess your owner still gets a considerable amount of money, but, like, you just get to bust a regular nut. Five through ten, you’re fine. Anything after that, they should have like a collapsible pit that just opens up on the track, that all of the horses just fall down into. Umm, into like the pony pile. And then the pit opens back up and then we don’t talk about those horses ever again. Twentieth place, are you fucking kidding me? Tenth on the underground pile? That’s it. You’re done.”
— Griffin

On Shnowden Fever[]

“People are lol-ing their brains off right now!”
— Justin

On This Episode[]

Justin: So this wasn’t really– we didn’t really like write a joke this time. What we did is one of our classic My Brother My Brother and Me goof adjacent segments. Where you think there’s something funny in it and then you dig around and there’s not. But then you’re three minutes closer to the podcast being over, so everybody wins?
Travis: Yeah! Maybe in a year you remember something funny happening here but when you go back and relisten to the episode, you can’t pinpoint what moment you were thinking of.
Justin: Yeah. If you’re scrubbing through right now trying to find that great joke that you heard on this episode, it was earlier or later ‘cause it’s not in this segment. You can go ahead and–
Travis: It might not have even been this episode.
Justin: Yeah. It may not have been this episode. It was okay. This was an okay one. Real middle of the pack right here, this one.
Griffin: God, this has been the longest Money Zone spot!
Justin: Yeah. It’s almost like I’m trying to move onto the next thing and you keep talking about your phone.

Trivia[]

During the Money Zone, Travis revealed that he tried out as a Lyft driver in the past but was rejected due to driving infractions.

Also during the Money Zone, Griffin asks his phone to generate some (pretty bad) riddles. Travis gets one immediately, and Griffin pronounces him The Riddlemaster. This is the same moniker Travis would use during the Riddle Me Piss segment that begins around Episode 418.

Notes[]

  1. What happens after the Preakness was discussed in Episode 661.
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 Name made up by Griffin.
  3. The title goof appears in this section.
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