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"The Cable Pie" was originally released on March 4, 2019.

Description

Just in case you happen to physically see us sometime in the next few months, you might want to listen to this one, just to explain the beautiful, grime-free spaces between our pressure-blasted choppers. Gosh. GOSH, those teeth spaces, though.

Suggested Talking Points

Waterpik Watch, Breakfast Break and Enter, Nintendo Nephew Dog, Romance Novel Deception, Jim Carrey Party, Farm Wisdom: Down Under, Karaoke Lessons

Outline[]

00:45 - Intro - The boys have Waterpiks. Justin introduces Where Is It Now? where the boys talk about something that has been gone and they miss. They talk about Hershey's Tastations. They maybe decide to make bootleg Tastations.

11:47 - I was on a three-hour drive this morning, when I got hungry. I spotted a sign on the highway for a hotel chain that I knew had free breakfast. Wanting to save a few dollars, I stopped at the hotel and walked into the lobby, pretending I was a guest. I went straight to the breakfast bar and helped myself to biscuits and gravy. I don't know if it was paranoia or it was legitimate, but as I was eating, I got the feeling the hotel staff knew I wasn't supposed to be there. I was the only person in the breakfast area. After seeing three of the hotel staff talk quietly to each other and look my way, I gulped down what was left of my orange juice and made a run for it. I went out the hotel side of the door as to avoid walking by the lobby and thus the staff. Turns out the side door led directly to the outdoor pool. There is a fence surrounding the pool that is too high to jump, and because I am not a guest at the hotel, I don't have a key to get back in and look for another exit. I'm stuck. Help! What do I do? - Being Caught Stealing in Baton Rouge

18:38 - Y - Sent in by Emma Kantt, from Yahoo! Answers user Round Square, who asks:

How do I make other dogs respect my dog?
  My dog lacks confidence and is clearly not an alpha male. He acts submissive towards other dogs. I'm tired of defending him all the time. How do I teach him to defend himself so he won't be bullied any more?

23:32 - I started a new job about five months ago, and one of my coworkers and I started bonding over mediocre romance novels. The problem is I haven't read any since middle school because they're so heteronormative, but I remember a lot about them because my mom still loves to read them all. My coworker is in her sixties. She's just happy to have something to talk about, so I didn't mention this. Two months ago, she recommended this series of 20ish books that she has all of, and offered to lend me the first one. I accepted with no intention of reading it, and returned it after a week, saying it was really good. She came in the next day with the next three books. Now I'm on book eight. I have not read any of them. How do I make her stop? - Oh God, There's Actually 26 Books

28:48 - MZ - Sponsored by Casper, Quip. Advertisement for The Flop House.

33:52 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo! Answers user Baby Boy, who asks:

Jim Carrey tribute party :)?
  His best movies he's made top 6? Things I should decorate with, food, activities, contest, music, ect. Anything to make this party off the roof ultimate haha :) pleeeeease and thanks!

42:15 - Farm Wisdom: Down Under (sent in by Ben Heatherington)

  • Kangaroos and emus cannot walk backwards. The structure of a kangaroo's pelvis and tail won't allow it. However, nobody knows why emus can't, but that's why they're featured on the Australian government's coat of arms and the 50-cent coin. They're supposed to signify that our country is always moving forward.
  • Unsurprising: goats smell really bad. Surprising: it's a common occurrence here to catch wild goats, and the best way to do so is to track them by smell. Wild goats are common in areas in northern New South Wales and southern Queensland in Australia, and can fetch a tidy profit when sold to a goat farm, even with our especially blunt sense of smell. A person can tell the size and distance of a goat herd at distances of up to a mile.
  • Dingoes eating lamb has been a big problem for stock farmers in Australia, and the easiest solution is to buy alpacas. Alpacas hate the living shit out of dogs, wild or domestic, and will often bond with sheep and act as their guardians. Alpacas can deliver a devastating kick, as their hooves will grow into splayed claws if not trimmed, and can hit anything within two yards in any direction. The lamb birth rate can be significantly improved by having alpacas in the herd, because they make sheep feel safe and the reduced stress allows the ewes to carry a lamb to term.

48:37 - Every so often, my coworkers and I will go out for a night of karaoke. We all have fun, but I'm easily the worst singer in the group (kind of screechy), and this draws a lot of teasing from the whole office floor. I have a good sense of humor and I'm happy that everyone can laugh at my mangled 80s hits, but I thought taking an actual singing lesson would help me get out of the comically bad range. To my surprise, a number of my coworkers were very against the idea of lessons, saying that I was taking it too seriously and being a killjoy. Should I continue with the lessons or is it wrong for me to deprive everyone of my unique voice? - Musical in Mobile, Alabama

53:55 - Housekeeping

56:09 - FY - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo! Answers user Jurek, who asks:

Ants with wings, who are they?

Quotes[]

“This gosh dang number keeps showing up all over the dang place! Did you figure it out yet? Farts!”
— Griffin doing an impression of Jim Carrey in The Number 23

Notes[]

References & Links[]

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