"The Hand that Drinks You" was originally released on February 28, 2022.
Description
Y’all, we’re comin’ in hot with a brand-new seriously original movie pitch. Get this. It takes place in a galaxy far, far away. And the hero has a last name that is something in the sky and a mode of transportation. And there’s a twist about his dad. Wait, this has been done already? More than once? Hm. We better check in with Guestpert Chris Gethard instead.
Suggested Talking Points
Kerp Live in Walls, Prescription Sheets, Geosh Sunrunner, Lazy Day Drawers, Musical Doxxing
National Black Women’s Justice Institute: https://www.nbwji.org/ Huntington Children's Museum: https://hcmkids.org/
Outline[]
1:08 - Intro - Introduction to Sawbones, Talkin' about Kerpto,[Note 2] Justin knows about Berries and Cream already
10:18 - Email - I'm going to visit my sister next month, and while I'm there I use her guest room. One problem: Her sheets suck. They feel like burlap. Would it be rude to gift her sheets for the guest bed? Or, any advice y'all can give. -- Sleepless in San Antonio.
Griffin says to suggest using them for ghost costumes. Justin says lie about needing prescription sheets. Travis says this is a guest room bed and your sister will never know if you simply replace them.
14:59 - Wizard of the Cloud - How to Make a Star Wars Movie -- Sent in by a lot of people. The brothers invent the latest hit new Star Wars series,[Note 3] coming this fall on Disney+:
In a galaxy far, far away, everything is pretty chill, and the Darths have some free time. Two Sith Lords, Darth Dardar and Darth Scapulove, fight for the right to be the dad of the 31 year old half-Jawa Geosh[Note 4] Sunrunner (Willem Dafoe) from the planet Bovabean, who is a chosen one and sounds like Michael Caine, and also has the power to turn into a Forcewolf when he nuts. They take Geosh to a podrace and Darth Scapulove bets on the races. Through a series of misunderstandings, Darth Dardar ends up in the race when he was really only looking for the bathroom. The first episode ends with Geosh saying:
I feel something calling to me from the stars, and I can feel the power gr- Is that fookin' Greedo?! ARROOOOOO!!!
...and then turning into a Forcewolf. Also, in the 3rd or 4th episode, Greedo walks in and everyone nuts. Unless Travis and Justin succeed in firing Griffin from the project before it ever airs. Also, Pete Davidson is signed on but no one's quite sure what he's playing.
Credits:
- Director: Justin McElroy
- Executive Producer: Griffin McElroy
- Script Writer: Travis McElroy
- Music: Nothin' but Jizz baby
- Special thanks to the City of Cleveland for being an exact replica of Coruscant
34:57 - MZ - Babbel helps you badmouth your friends, Griffin doesn't need Calm, ad for Maximum Film, ad for Dr. Game Show
39:44 - Email - I have to do my laundry at a laundromat, and often find that people will leave their clothes in the dryer long after they're finished, and I need that dryer. I don't want to just pull their laundry out and put mine in - that seems rude, and the laundry will get wrinkled - so I fold the clothes and put them on top of the dryer. I know that's weird, but is it too weird? No one's caught me yet, I just don't want their clothes to get wrinkly, but I want to use the dryer and I don't want to wait! Do I need to stop doing this? -- Secretly Folding Laundry in San Antonio.
This email was answered with the help of Guestspert Chris Gethard, who also discusses mental health, parenting, and the Social Contract of Laundry.
1:02:24 - Housekeeping
1:05:51 - Closing Thoughts - In lieu of a Final Yahoo!, Griffin closes: "Go out there and just fuckin' go out there, and just... go out there. Go ahead. Make the most of it. Meet you at Applebee's."
Quotes[]
- “If someone came up to the street and was like, 'Hey, do you want to buy for $10 the Star Wars movie I made?', the answer to that will never be no.”
- — Griffin
- “If I came upon a pile of my own clothes that had been folded by a nameless, faceless stranger, I would have to throw those clothes away, and I'd have to move out of that building.”
- — Chris Gethard
Notes[]
- ↑ This episode has no official transcript provided.
- ↑ The brothers invent Kerp McElroy, their fourth brother, in this segment. They also mention just how many fourth brothers they've invented over the years.
- ↑ The brothers would also invent a new Star Wars universe in Episode 659.
- ↑ Pronounced "Josh."
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