Episode 609: Face 2 Face: Thirty to Forty Ghosts

Face 2 Face: Thirty to Forty Ghosts

Length

73:16

Date

May 9, 2022

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"Face 2 Face: Thirty to Forty Ghosts" was originally released on May 9, 2022.

Description

Fancy Takes Flight with the first leg of the 2022 live shows, from the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis! Justin is fancy! Travis is fancy! The audience is fancy! The haunted dolls are fancy! Griffin is . . . fancy-adjacent.

Suggested Talking Points

Lunch Smock, Not How I Would Have Phrozed It, Time Pizza, They Thought it Would Be Like 8Mile, Garf Maul, Normal Digestive Systems, I Would Like to Touch the Dinosaurs

NARAL Pro-Choice America: https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/

Outline[]

0:00 - A forgetful old man reads the disclaimer. Montaigne plays.

1:11 - Intro - Like Chilean Miners, etc. etc.

3:02 - Work of Fart - All movie-related this time.

A group of teens spends the day in detention. Each of them comes from a different social group, but they end up bonding over the fact that they all have boners. (The Breakfast Chub. Justin shouts it out while Griffin rings in, as established as necessary in the prior edition of Work of Fart. Travis decides the point goes to Griffin.)
A rebellious patient at a mental institution stands up to tight-fisted Nurse Ratched when she tries to stop them from taking dumps. (One Flew Over the Doodoo's Nest is Griffin's answer, which earns him another point. Trav also would have accepted Poopoo's Nest.)
In this classic black-and-white film, a reporter tries to understand a rich and powerful man’s mysterious last words, ‘I need to take a crap.’ Turns out, it was the name of his sled. (Shitizen Kane. Griffin gets the original reference but not the Fart version.)

5:37 - Email - I recently got my first job since the beginning of the pandemic. It’s wonderful! But I’ve come across a lunchtime predicament. I’m a messy eater and I always stain my shirts. When I was quarantining I would simply remove my shirt for meals. This worked well then but obviously I can’t continue this. What should I do? -- Running Out of Clean Shirts.

9:42 - Email - “I recently turned 21 and I am learned that every time I consume an alcoholic beverage or engage in the Devil’s lettuce, I am overcome with a profound and insatiable vegetable lust. I’m talking, I take three sips of a gin and tonic and I am on the floor of my kitchen eating whole carrots from the bag. No tomato, leafy green, or tasty plant of any kind is safe from my monstrous desire. Why the fuck does this happen? What do I do? How do I mitigate this hog-wild behaviour with the fact that I drink with friends who are not immediately overcome with my same veggie-related needs? -- The Veggie Vagabond.

14:57 - Email - My girlfriend and I have been living in our apartment for about two years now. And our upstairs neighbor is quite obviously a gamer. He’s a very nice guy, welcomed us when we moved in and everything but he has always been very loud when he plays games with his friends, stomping on the ground, shouting et cetera. However, that’s not the issue. A month or two ago we noticed he hasn’t been loudly gaming anymore. We actually got kind of used to his noise. It was just sort of comforting and funny to hear someone else around, and now it just feels too quiet. My question is: How do I approach my neighbor and ask him to go back to his noisy gaming for our normalcy without sounding like a freak? -- A Little Too Quiet.

19:28 - Haunted Doll Watch

Pt. I: Meet Justina, who died in an explosion and loves soap opera
Pt. II: Lil' Spitz, the dead 6 year old rap prodigy
Pt. III: "High-Ranking Illuminati Freemason Cobra Ring Silver Antique Vintage Metaphysical." Not a doll, but just as buck wild.

30:15 - MZ - Imperfect Foods is profitable altruism, Babbel will get you to Tokyo.

33:30 - Housekeeping

36:05 - Justin does an impression - Jerry Seinfeld expresses his confusion about hummus.

36:25 - Ads - ad for Max Fun Drive, ad for Mission to Zyxx.

38:15 - Minion Quotes - This time, each brother has brought to the table one (1) minion quote, and the other two will try to guess it, to spread out the danger.

Travis' quote: "I don’t care how difficult 2019 has been, but the fact we woke up every day means that God isn’t finished with us." (Moana.)
Justin's quote: "Remember how when you were little you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked and everyone thought it was so cute and funny? Anyway, I need bail money." (Kermit the frog, which Griffin guessed successfully after repeatedlybadgering Justin for clues)
Griffin's quote: "Hold on Devil, not today. Or any other day! Feeling blessed and covered under the blood of Jesus! Like, share, and type ‘Amen’!" (Fred Flintstone.)

Audience Questions[]

48:11 - Who are you? I’m just here 'cause I bought the tickets. -- Taylor.

51:04 - Failed my driver’s test today. How could I impress the examiner next time? -- Lauren.

54:54 - I work at a haunted cave that is said to have 30 to 40 ghosts, but I haven’t had a ghost experience yet. How do I trigger one? - Ellie.

59:00 - An hour north of here is the best place on Earth, Merlin’s Family Restaurant, in Princeton, Minnesota. They have a pancake-eating challenge consisting of four 18" wide pancakes. When you eat ‘em, you get a shirt and your picture on the wall of fame. If you lose, you gotta take a picture and put it on the wall of shame as well. I’ve gotten very good at this challenge. I’m on the wall of fame six times. So now that I've trained to eat two big stacks,^{[Note 1]} am I good if I bring my own photo to be presumably be put above the wall of fame? - Jake and/or Jacob.

1:05:58 - How do I enforce my workplace’s ‘No touching the dinosaurs’ rule, while still letting people know that I’m cool and I would also like to touch the dinosaurs? - Andy.

1:10:18 - Housekeeping Pt. 2

1:11:45 - Closing Impressions - Christopher Walken.

Quotes[]

“They're nature's cheetos.”

— Travis, on baby carrots

“I gotta get rid of Mr. Hyde! He paid my taxes on time and called my mom on her birthday! Ahhh! Curse you Hyde!”

— Travis, on having a beneficial alter ego

“The one thing we won’t tolerate here is fun.”

— Justin, on people shortening their names

“Hey buddy, I get it, I also sometimes want to see what sound a thing makes when I throw it at the wall. I get it!”

— Travis, to Bebe, "a carbon copy of myself when it comes to impulse control"

On High-Ranking Illuminati Freemason Cobra Ring Silver Antique Vintage Metaphysical[]

“From the very moment you touch this piece you’ll realize you’ve purchased something truly extraordinary that will forever reverberate incredible power into your life. The aggressive power of this amazing ring has been created with forces of magic and otherworldly technology known only to but a few of the most powerfully connected men on Earth.”

— Illuminati ring listing

“The government of the United States possesses a memory copying technology, a medical device of sorts, which is held at an underground nuclear metropolis in Roswell, New Mexico, long before it became Area 51.^{[Note 2]} The machine accesses parts of the brain that never dies but rather simply shuts off when one dies. This unusual technology turns it back on, like a light switch, and then siphons those memories, creating a memory archive for that particular individual. This wipes the memories of the brain so no matter what medical, technological or metaphysical advancements may arise in the future, nobody will ever be able to access the secret information within their memories except for them. This is then encoded within the memory archives of its Illuminati masters — the three men that make up half of the sacred Inner Circle of the New World Order at the time of its creation.”