"I Don’t Know, My Glasses Were Off" was originally released on May 16, 2022.
Description
We know that our soothing voices are something that people sometimes fall asleep to, and we can’t help just how calming we are, but the point of this podcast is jokes, okay? So we hope sleep-laughs is a thing.
Suggested Talking Points
Glue Yourself to Starbucks Challenge, The Looooove Department, MackleLess, That Hair is Ripe, Uneaten Spider Donuts
NARAL Pro-Choice America: https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/
Outline[]
Haunted Doll Unboxing- Neutral Roberta
Travis unboxes his haunted doll (Stream starts @ 2:21 in the video). Justin and Griffin would only unbox their haunted dolls months later.
1:10 - Intro - Chock full of acai berries, James Cromwell's sticky situation,[Note 1] A bathroomless location, Neutral Roberta, Bezos drones are bringing haunted dolls
16:44 - Email - I'm in a thrift shop checking out some cassette tape decks. I hit eject on one, and there happens to be a recording tape in it with no markings on it. I am dying to hear what is on this cassette, but I'm not interested in buying the deck. Is it stealing if I just take the tape? Technically the tape is not for sale, right? -- Copping Cassettes in Colorado.
This segment features Guestspert Macklemore, who definitely was on the podcast. Mr. More is here to discuss thrift store etiquette and owning a "transfixing rendition of a naked Justin Bieber with maple syrup pouring down his chest onto a pancake balanced on his boner," which he owns for totally normal reasons[Note 2] and which definitely isn't a Picture of Dorian Gray situation.
21:07 - Wizard of the Cloud - How to Use Chocolate to Spice Up Your Relationship -- Art.
33:24 - MZ - Get an earl with Squarespace, Stitchfix in the Mojave Desert, ad for Stop Podcasting Yourself, ad for Judge John Hodgman
39:12 - Email - I'm a 32-year-old woman who has forgotten how to socialize in this new world. So I was letting my hairstylist, whom I have never seen before, work away and focus in silence. I was quite relaxed with her hands in my hair, the white noise of the salon hairdryers, the ASMR crinkling of foils in my hair. Suddenly I wake up to her asking me, 'Did you just fall asleep?' I said, 'Yes, I'm so sorry.' She acted like it was no big deal, but I'm obviously embarrassed that I'm a grown woman who just fell asleep in the middle of a busy public place like some kind of toddler! I don't know, I had my glasses off! I was comfy. She didn't mention it again, but continued to work in silence. I stayed very awake for the rest of the hair appointment. Can I show my face here again? She did a good job on my hair. I don't think a sign would help. -- Terribly Tired in Texas.
43:44 - Munch Squad - Count Donut appears, and refreshes the audience on his very clear and in no way confusing mythos. He does this by reading his own page on the MBMBaM wiki. (Hi Justin!) His lordship is here to announce that Krispy Kreme has a lineup of honey-inspired donuts, including two that have honey in it and one that just looks like a bee.
54:07 - Housekeeping
56:18 - Closing Impressions - Griffin does his impression of, of course, James Cromwell
Quotes[]
On Neutral Roberta[]
Travis: I am a little confused, and Justin you're a bit more of a haunted doll expert, so maybe you could explain this to me: 'Roberta is a good spirit, I put the 'neutral' label as she has a very sad disposition. ...Is it that her sad disposition brings her spirit down to neutral? Because that's a bummer. Justin: It's 'cause it's all garbage. Travis: Ohh, okay. Justin: That is the thing, yeah. I don't want to punch down or up or sideways but, the thing about it is that it's all nonsense.
On Erotic Chocolate Fantasies[]
- “The cacao makes you... turgid.”
- — Griffin, on aphrodisiacs
- “I mean, we've all seen that scene where Augustus Gloop goes up the tube and you're like, 'God, I wish that was me getting squeezed by that big tube.'”
- — Griffin, on his dark Wonka-related desires
- “Seal the giving with a French kiss involving passing an exquisite chocolate between the two of you.”
- — The 43 co-authors of the WikiHow article; Griffin calls this "the most phonetically pleasing sentence in the English language"
On Not Being Sure How Bees Work[]
- “Is it the jizz of the bee?”
- — Count Donut, wanting to know about honey
- “I'm definitely not, like, infested with bees right now, controlling my mind in a weird Meet Dave kind of situation! How would precisely 3700 bees even control a skin bag from the inside?”
- — Dave Skena, Global Chief Brand Officer for Krispy Kreme
Notes[]
- ↑ It should be noted Mr. Cromwell has a long history of being a pretty good guy.
- ↑ Painted by self-described "Painter of Pancakes" Dan Lacey. If you really want to see the painting, you can do so here [CW: NSFW, obviously].
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