"Love is a Competition" was originally released on May 30, 2022.
Description
We recorded this early, but we desperately need an answer to a mystery. It’s been haunting us since the letter came in. PLEASE release us from this torment.
Suggested Talking Points
You’re the Blood in My Bread, Gozer Beer, Work Glitter, The Tushless Town, Dark Green Iridescent Mystery
NARAL Pro-Choice America: https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/
Outline[]
1:09 - Intro - Ed McMahon, Mandela effects, Lightsaber time
8:50 - Email - My favorite Korean sandwich place gives out punch cards. For every 10 items purchased, you get a free sandwich. I've been collecting full punch cards for years. Some have been gifts. One I even found on the street. I'm leaving town soon and I want to claim my free sandwiches as soon as possible, but I'm scared of being recognized as having received a free sub the day before. What do I do if that happens? I have about six cards left. -- Nervous Sandwich Eater in Nebraska.
The brothers conclude the question asker has already fucked up, and should have gotten their free sandwiches all along. Their next-best suggestion is performing an improv bit outside the door.
13:26 - Wizard of the Cloud - How to Win an I Love You More Argument -- Ben Kantt.[Note 1]
31:34 - MZ - Lose your nuts with Stamps.com, Hide from mafia dons with Stitchfix, ad for Jordan Jesse Go, ad for The Jackie and Laurie Show
37:09 - Email - I'm at the bar and I need to order a beer to celebrate getting my reports done, but the bartender is distracted watching Austin Powers and seems really into it. Am I legally allowed to interrupt his bliss and order another brewski? -- Chillaxing in Chapel Hill.
Travis hits on the winning suggestion: Watch the movie with him until the next place a laugh would be merited, then laugh a little too loud to get his attention.
44:10 - Email - I've recently taken up salsa dancing lessons, and it's going really well. The only problem is I get very sweaty when doing even the slightest amount of exercise. This makes it particularly awkward when my dance partner has to touch my sweaty self, plus it doesn't look too graceful. How can I sweat less, or at least sweat with style on the dance floor? -- Sweaty Salsa Boy in Sydney.
Justin and Griffin agree that sweating on the dancefloor is the point of salsa dancing. Travis suggests not drinking any water for 48 hours beforehand so you have nothing to sweat, but Justin says this will have a poor effect on your dance abilities because you'll become deceased.
50:16 - Email - A while back, I was a member of a fan forum for a show. I was chatting with the other forum members about how much I love the beautiful, dark green, iridescent suit that one of the characters wears. Then when out of the blue, one of the other members of the forum offered to give me an identical waistcoat from their closet that they needed to get rid of. At the time I declined, 'cause I didn't know them very well, but now I'm starting to get into wearing gothic style clothes, and that waistcoat is looking really tempting. The only problem is it's been over a year since they offered. Should I reach out to them and see if they still have it? Or have I waited too long and lost my chance at having a sick-ass beetle vest? -- [Sender not mentioned].
The boys spend ten full minutes trying to figure out what fandom/character this is. Candidates include Jughead, Arrow, Outlander, Big Bad Beetleborgs, Loki, and the Samurai Pizza Cats. They never even mention the actual question again.
1:00:51 - Housekeeping
1:03:01 - Closing Impressions - Tom Hiddleston.
Quotes[]
- “I've lost my shirt, pants, underwear, kidneys, a nut. In this market? Thanks, NASDAQ!”
- — Griffin
On the Mandela Effect[]
- “Well, It's the Darth Vader part where you think he says, um, 'Luke, I am your father,' but the real line that he says is 'It's lightsaber time, bitch.'”
- — Griffin
- “A lot of people think that this used to be an advice show, that we actually did advice.”
- — Justin
On Sexy, Sweaty Dancing[]
- “I treasure that sweat. I treasure it. Sweat is just the sexuality oozing out of you on the dance floor.”
- — Justin
- “All dance is sex. All sex is dance.”
- — Griffin
- “The wetter the better. People will know. Leave no doubt in their mind when they see how wet you are on that salsa dance floor.”
- — Griffin
- “Dirt is the man-wet.”
- — Griffin
- “I think that, um, a lot of people get yearbook quotes from this show, and that's fun. And if you do wanna use 'The dirt is the man-wet' for that... your principal's gonna call you and be like, 'What's this mean?'”
- — Griffin
Notes[]
- ↑ The title goof appears in this section.
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