"Face 2 Face: Alabaster Hawk, Governor of the Thirteenth" was originally released on October 3, 2022.
Description
Live (at the time) from The Balboa Theater for San Diego Comic Con,[Note 1] it’s a very fancy episode. You see, San Diego Comic Con was a live show that featured discussions of touching orbs, making small talk with people who have more interesting jobs than you, and revealing the secret pants under your regular pants.
Suggested Talking Points
The Sky, Right?, Old Mug with picture of train, Big Hot Spill, Sqütty Pöoty, 69% Sword Discount, Space Jam Horcruxes
Fair Elections Center: https://www.fairelectionscenter.org/
Outline[]
1:21 - Intro - Pajamas next year[Note 2], We should explain, Baby Jessica[Note 3] claw game
8:42 - Email - I'm planning on going sky diving for the first time. And I need to know what are some topics of conversation I can talk to the sky diving instructor about while I'm strapped to them, gently floating, for five to seven minutes. -- Katelyn.
14:05 - Email - While eating at Fazoli's, my girlfriend will scan our receipt to reap the loyalty points. She will then go from table to table, asking strangers for their receipt. She insists it's all right, since their points would go wasted. I think it's rude to interrupt a stranger's meal. For reference, points are $1 = 1 point. And 75 gets a free spaghetti. She currently has 140. -- [Sender not mentioned.] Justin likely didn't even finish the question.
17:32 - Email - I'm defending my Ph.D. dissertation in oceanography at the end of next month. This live show is my early celebration. My school has a tradition where students sign their names in the rafters of one of the campus buildings when they successfully defend. I always thought I would think of something cool for this. But now it's a month out and I got nothing. As three fame-Os, who sign your names often, what's the coolest signature? I study whale and dolphin sounds, if that helps. -- Soon-to-be-Ph.D in SD.
21:44 - Email - Last Christmas, I received a $25 gift card to Red Lobster. But no one will go with me. My friends and family laugh when I suggest going to the restaurant. Is it sad to go by myself and chow down on the four-course seafood feast for $14.99? Can I take an unsuspecting date there? Is it bad to use a $25 Red Lobster gift card on a first date? I've never been to Red Lobster before and I love lobster. -- Lobsterless in Los Angeles.
26:58 - Minion Quotes - Travis has three images on offer, and his brothers are guessing.
- Image 1: "Happy Tuesday" - Justin thinks it's gotta be Garfield. Griffin says Bart Simpson. Answer: Yogi Bear.
- Image 2: "It's only Tuesday?!?!" - Griffin says Fred Flintstone, Justin says Taz then changes it to Tweety Bird. Answer: Woodstock. Justin tries to argue that this isn't Woodstock, but instead Tweety Bird drawn poorly.
- Image 3: "Good Morning, Happy Tuesday" - When prompted for a hint, Travis tells them to "follow your heart." Justin immediately guesses Garfield. Answer: Garfield.
31:51 - MZ - Un-freak out with Calm, Library of Congress of Stitchfix, Housekeeping, ad for TAZ: Steeplechase, ad for Dead Pilots' Society
40:23 - Email - I recently got a job working at a train museum. When my next-door neighbor found out about the job, he told me he had some items he thought the museum might be interested in. I was skeptical, but I asked my boss if they'd be interested in receiving some items from him. She seemed kind of annoyed and said he could email them pictures, but the museum is too full of artifacts already [and that] they're not looking to add anything. I told this to my neighbor, but despite this information, he made me take pictures of an old mug with a train on it and told me to show my boss. Now, every time I see him, he asks me if I've shown her the pictures. Brothers, how do I get out of this awkward situation without annoying my boss? -- Train Lady.
45:09 - Haunted Doll Watch - Mary - "Paranormal, metaphysical doll vessel. Touched orbs. Free spirit reading, free gift."
Audience Questions[]
50:58 - How do I avoid seeing naked people at work? -- Annie (she/her). (Annie works in retail and had an old lady open the fitting room door completely naked.)
54:43 - So, I got into D&D from The Adventure Zone a few years ago and I made a bunch of dork-ass friends. And being the only handy person we know, they went, “Hey, can you make us some swords?” Now, I don‟t want them to stop. But I do need to know what to tell my mom, 'cause I'm home for the summer from school. I'm out there with an angle grinder, going ham. What do I say to her about this? -- Eric (any pronouns).
Travis: What were your skillsets before this moment? Eric: Making one sword.
59:03 - So, I have a Squatty Potty. It's nice enough to show off, but I don't know if I want to, with COVID and everything. With what it's doing. Should I hide it or not? -- Dom (he/him).
1:05:39 - How many copies of Space Jam (the first one) is it okay to own? We have six. -- Mary Beth (she/they).
1:10:29 - Housekeeping - done while Griffin attempts to pull up Space Jam in 60 seconds. He fails.
1:11:35 - Celebrity Impression - Bugs Bunny telling everybody how badly he fucked up.
Quotes[]
- “Why did I do this? I'm so squishy, this is ridiculous! I've got so many bones!”
- — Justin, jumping out of an airplane
- “Hey, if you're in oceanology defense, you should just go burn down a Red Lobster.”
- — Griffin
- “It's not fuckin' Garfield, that's too easy. The artists who create these, Justin, possess minds capable of a type of lateral thinking that you and I can only aspire to.”
- — Griffin, on Minion Quotes
- “Hey, have you guys ever dissociated while doing a live show?”
- — Griffin, while his brothers discuss an IKEA Squatty Potty called the Skünty Bünty
- “Underpants are the secret pants we wear underneath, so that exact scenario [of being naked in public] doesn't happen. If a big spill happens, a big, hot spill and burning is an issue. Or a bug gets up there. I have options.”
- — Griffin
Travis: Humiliating for both... is what nudity is. Can we all agree, anytime someone is— Griffin: We should all be deeply ashamed of our bodies. Thank you, Travis. It's gross, what's going on down there. Invariably. Travis: What even is that? No one knows. Griffin: No one knows or understands it.
On Chilean Miners[]
- “How many of 'em would've had to not make it out for Justin to not use that [bit], do you think?”
- — Travis
On Travis' Twenty-Rendezvous Fashion Sense[]
- “Travis, just because we change the theme [next year] does not mean you cannot continue to dress like the rich villain from a dystopian YA novel.”
- — Justin
Travis: Hey! Everything you guys are describing rules. Griffin: Yeah, actually, it sounds pretty good for you. Travis: I would love that, are you kidding me? Justin: We should've done that instead. Travis: It's not too late! We're heading towards a dystopian future faster than you think.
Notes[]
- ↑ This live show was performed on July 22, 2022.
- ↑ The title goof appears in this section. It's Griffin's name for Travis' fancy Twenty-Rendezvous getup (see Quotes).
- ↑ This is Justin's second reference in recent memory to Baby Jessica - she was one of Well Boy's victims. Or rather, this is his first and that one is his second, since this was performed before that episode. Time is weird.
| Previous Episode Episode 629: Millennial Seinfeld |
Episode List | Next Episode Episode 631: Blastoise is My Dad |
|---|