Til Death Do Us Blart (sometimes abbreviated as Death Blart) is a film review podcast, in which the hosts repeatedly watch and discuss the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. The podcast is released on American Thanksgiving every year, until the end of time. When one of the hosts dies, they must pass the baton on to someone else.
The idea for the podcast comes from Tim and Guy's podcast, The Worst Idea of All Time, in which they watch and review the same film every week for a year.
Every episode ends with the iconic Paul Blart line, "Not today, Death!"
- Griffin McElroy (heir apparent: Maureen Johnson, previously Barack Obama, Raini Rodriguez)
- Guy Montgomery (heir apparent: Alice Snedden, previously refused to acknowledge his own mortality)
- Justin McElroy (heir apparent: his daughter Charlie)
- Tim Batt (heir apparent: Nic Sampson)
- Travis McElroy (heir apparent: Stuart Wellington)
- Paul Blart (Kevin James) — Immortal, making verbal abuse the only way to hurt him. He is able to walk between the material plane and the ethereal plane where the art heist is taking place. Eight-foot vertical leap.
- The Shadow Man (Eric Genuis) — A man intent on ruining Paul Blart's life, possibly sent by God. He appears in-person to play the piano and watch Paul Blart as he struggles against a large bird, after orchestrating Paul Blart's divorce and also the death of his mother. Alternatively, it's possible that he abducted Paul's mother and merely planted a hologram of her being hit by a milk truck, since there was no visible blood on the scene and the newspaper she was picking up was left untouched. Pro-life. Mentioned on the IMDb Trivia page.
- Lane (David Henrie) — A young man shrouded in mystery. One theory is that he is a spectral prisoner/protector/artpiece of the Wynn Hotel. Another theory is that he is a pickup-artist in a teen movie that's taking place in parallel with Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. Another theory is that he is a planeswalker that has found himself trapped in the Wynn Hotel, and he needs Maya's help to leave.
- Vincent (Neal McDonough) — The worst criminal mastermind of all time. Also known as "Ocean's 14".
- Mrs. Gundermutt (Ana Gasteyer) — Actually funny.
- Maya Blart (Raini Rodriguez) — A beacon of wholesome light in an otherwise bleak film.
- Erasmus (Gary Coleman) — The Anti-Shadow Man. Appears only as a background photo.
- Donna, another mall cop, mentions RoboCop to Paul Blart, and then asserts (twice) that he isn't real.
- Mrs. Gundermutt says that when her daughter left for college, she would blast Sarah McLachlan and go into the closet to smell the jerseys she left behind.
- The head of security states very clinically that overweight people use humor to "achieve affection."
- Blart is too stingy to tip a bell boy, but then throws away his money on craps. A voice line was added in post to say, "The fat guy ruined it."
- When Blart is convinced that his daughter has been kidnapped, he calls the cops. During the conversation, one of the cops asks, "Does anyone love this guy?"
- The vendors at the weapons convention have some strange line delivery. Most notably, the vendor advertising a grenade gun that shoots glue foam.
- Khan Mubi, another mall cop, gives Blart a nice hug.
- Blart convinces a woman at the bar that she is being too sensitive about being harassed by a drunk man.
- Muhrtelle, a warehouse worker, eats a banana that is so brown and old, it makes the sound of crinkling paper.
- Blart punches an old housekeeper in the stomach, and when he offers to call for medical assistance, she insists that it's okay, and it just distracts from the pain of her arthritis.
- In order to regain his energy after collapsing due to low blood sugar, Blart has to lap up the drippings from a baby's ice cream cone.
- In the hotel garden, Blart gets into a fight with a grey crowned crane while The Shadow Man plays the piano. Given that Blart instigates the fight, when the bird was simply minding its own business, the bird can be seen as a representation of the other patrons at the hotel, and indeed, even the audience.
- Lane gives a disappointed "Aw" when Maya smashes the snow globe that he bought for her.
- One of Vincent's henchmen unwraps an oatmeal cookie. Upon Vincent telling the man he is deathly allergic to oatmeal, the man with the cookie opens the door to the balcony and throws the cookie off the balcony
- Almost all of the podcast's other official media use the form "Til", but the spelling "Till" appears on the website and on the email address listed on the Facebook page.
- For Episode 1 (2015), Griffin had food poisoning while he watched the movie. Travis liked the movie the most, laughing 11 times; Justin and Tim tried to find the silver lining; and Griffin and Guy were fairly thoroughly disgusted by it.
- In Episode 2 (2016), Travis mentions that Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is the first movie Travis ever showed to his daughter Bebe. Travis enjoyed the movie even more this year, with 13 laughs.
- For Episode 3 (2017), Griffin paired the movie with the album The Dark Side of the Moon, in the vein of Dark Side of the Rainbow. Guy, Tim, and Travis all traveled to Huntington to watch the film and record the podcast at Justin's house. Everyone except for Guy enjoyed the film.
- For Episode 4 (2018), Guy had to watch and record while in India; Tim watched the original Paul Blart: Mall Cop after he dropped his smartphone on the bathroom floor, ruining it; Griffin watched the film with his son Henry; and Justin watched it with his daughter Charlie. Griffin is the only one who enjoyed the film, laughing more than he did previously. All of the hosts seem to forget that there is an IMDb trivia entry about the Shadow Man, something they discussed in the previous episode.
- For Episode 5 (2019), Griffin watched with his wife Rachel, Travis also watched the first movie, and Tim took a tab of acid immediately before watching the movie. Travis did not laugh a single time this year. All of the hosts seem to forget that the co-writer for the film, Nick Bakay, was the voice of Salem in Sabrina the Teenage Witch, something they discussed in the previous episode.
- For a special bonus episode, released on April 28, 2020, the hosts watched and reviewed the original Paul Blart: Mall Cop, which may actually be even worse than the sequel. This is the only episode so far not to feature the "Not today, Death!" sign-off.
- For Episode 6 (2020), the hosts recorded the podcast in sync with the movie, so that the episode serves as a commentary track. However, the podcast can still be listened to and followed without watching along. This was the first time Justin watched the movie sober. Tim was on a bush walk during the time of recording, which meant that he found himself calling the other hosts from the attic of an old cottage, filled with dolls. Guy, Justin, and Griffin are in agreement that this may have been their least favorite watch so far.
- Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on IMDb
- Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on the Paul Blart Mall Cop Wiki
- Episode 1 (2015)
- Episode 2 (2016)
- Episode 3 (2017)
- Episode 4 (2018)
- Bonus Episode (2020)
- Episode 6 (2020)